The New Norm

I rationalize.
A lot.

Maybe to help me deal with things and accept them?

Is it just me ?

When things change in ways I don't like. I rationalize. I make excuses. Something, anything that helps me accept and embrace the change. Something to make sense out of something that cannot be explained or made to make sense.

I rationalize it to tell my brain it's the new norm. It's different than how things were "before" but if I embrace it and make it part of how things are now aka "the new norm" then somehow it's easier for me to deal with. Easier for me to stop fighting against. Fighting against the change I'm struggling with to accept.

The older I get, and hopefully along with it, the wiser I get...the more I can identify patterns within myself..I recognize more and more cycles of behavior.

One of these, that seems to be getting "worse" or more pronounced the older I get, is an offshoot of the above post on rationalizing.

And that's the fact that I am a planner. Always have been. Growing up, and even now, I make lists, lists, and more lists. Sometimes I even will do something not on a list, and then add it to the list and then cross it off the list just because it makes me feel better!

What I find as I get older is, as long as I can plan for "it," I deal with it fine...no matter how bad it is.

It's the surprises that life and the universe hurl at you, that want to send me into a full blown panic and hit the red ALARM Button.

It's those changes that I rationalize and then embrace. Maybe not right away, but eventually in most cases.

It's OK...

My friend Lynne Hartke's Blog "Do you struggle with FOMO?" (Fear of Missing Out) is what generated this blog entry.  Her blog can be located here:
http://www.lynnehartke.com/2014/03/do-you-struggle-with-fomo.html

2011 was the year I was determined to lose weight. I wanted to by skinny.
I wanted to be the person people said "Wow, I wish I looked like that"

2012 and 2013 ended up being the years I felt like I hit rock bottom and worked my way back up.  Just as my diet and weight loss transformed the physical me, in those 2 years, I feel like I learned a lot more about myself. Even though I knew the weight loss in 2011 was about way more than weight, I had a lot more on my plate that I needed to deal with.

2014 is the year I'm determined to find the balance, "It's OK" seems to be the tagline of the year.  Since undergoing my weight loss transformation just about 3 years ago this month, I have struggled to find the balance.

The balance in being satisfied with one cookie, or one donut.
The balance in being happy with what weight I am, or what size my jeans are.
The balance between working out incessantly and realizing that taking a day off is not bad.
The balance between constantly rushing around, nonstop, and taking a day to nurture my soul, is OK.
The balance between trying to be everything to everyone, and realizing that I have my limits, too - as do others.
And the list goes on.

I yearn to find this balance, and so far, I think I'm doing a pretty good job at it.
Better than I used to, at least.
So, my new tagline is "It's OK"

For now, I'm zero tolerance when it comes to sugar/sweets - I'm on the "Diabetic Diet" as my Dad calls it. Admittedly, this is not much of a balance, but this is what works for me at this moment..and that's OK.

Even today, as I write this blog, I am sitting at home taking the day off from the Gym because I probably overdid it last week training for an upcoming 5K. This is huge for me. Previously, I would have kept pushing and ignored the pain until I could no longer ignore it.

Today, I listen to my body and and am taking the day off and rest. It's OK that I don't work out. I'll try again tomorrow. So instead, I gain an afternoon of relaxation. No running around, no errands, no gym.

The fact that I am mostly a size medium, but occasionally a large (or even a small)  in a t shirt, and my jean size is larger, too than when I was at my "Gaunt Stage" - THAT's OK, too. This year I made a conscious decision not to rely on the scale to tell me how I feel. I rely on ME, and the fit of my clothes, to tell me how I feel. 

It's OK that I indulge more on the weekends, and attempt to make up for it during the week.  If my weight fluctuates, that's OK!  I try not to beat myself up when I overdo it or feel guilty over the choices I've made. I own it.

I have "rules" but I dont hold as rigid to them as I used to when I was first trying to lose weight. I don't need to anymore. I try to make good choices, but if I want something bad, I have it. It's all about the balance. 

No matter what choice I make, I've made the right choice for me.

There are still times I second guess myself or try to figure out how I can do it all.
But, the further along I go in this journey, the more I realize that its a neverending, always growing chapter in my story.

Things You Learn About Yourself From Zumba!

So with the new year, and being incredibly bored with walking and my current gym workouts, I decided to try some new types of workouts in the new year.

First, I'm using a Groupon at a "Crossfit" type gym that has really kicked my butt so far. We're talking sore for days, after the Initial Class, and a bunch of terminology that means little to me right now. Turkish Getups, Donkey Kicks, Glute Bridges, OYY! I will say it is a very challenging workout regimen, and it does a great job of distracting me. The hour long classes fly by in a minute.

Today, I went with a friend to a Zumba Class and that's where I found out..you really learn a lot about yourself in a Zumba Class.

1--If you're un-coordinated, don't worry. You're going to find out exactly how un-coordinated you are. IT'S WORSE than you thought.

2--If you ever go on "Dancing with the Stars," you're going to need every single vote from every one of your friends to barely survive the voting.

3--Many of moves in Zumba are more naturally done horizontally than vertically.

4--For those of among the uncoordinated masses, you can either do the arm movements, or the leg movements, but not both concurrently (credit to Jenn Coleman for putting it so succinctly)

5--If you can't follow or figure out the moves, just make it hell up!
Fake it til you make it!

6--If you're me, You have no idea what you're doing, but you're definitely burning some calories!

7--If you go to Zumba, make sure you go with friends so you can laugh at how stupid you feel and how dumb you think you look

8--After Zumba, you can safely go to a Latin/Salsa club

9--You get excited for the arm movements, because they are something you can actually do.

10--You're glad its over, because you were beat after 45 minutes of nonstop dancing (and the class was an hour long)

11--If you were before, you're going to be even more sore after.

Advice to My Younger (and Current) Self

Last Weekend, Bored and Sitting on an Airplane..I read through my Mother's Oprah Magazine and one article piqued my curiosity...where she wrote a letter of advice to her younger self. Oprah's letter can be found here in the May 2012 Issue:   http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Oprahs-Letter-to-Her-Younger-Self-Oprah-Wisdom

The article, like many I read these days of how to improve my life, or keep the weight off, be healthier...really resonated, and I began thinking, what are the areas I need to work on and what advice would I give to myself. I'm a "list" person, so this ended up being more of a list than a letter..

Like Me, this is a work in progress. It is by no means all inclusive, or complete..and I will probably keep adding to it as I think of items. 

Some of these apply to my younger self, some apply to myself a few years ago, and like all of us, I still have some lessons to learn.

At any rate here goes, in no particular order:

1--Be Thankful for What You Have While You Have It.

2--Don't Take Parents, Family Members, or Friends For Granted. Tell Them and Show Them How Much You Love and Appreciate Them, EVERY DAY.

3--Be More of YOU, and less of how you perceive other people think you should be or act.

4--ALWAYS listen to your intuition. Never, Ever, Ignore or Go Against It.

5--Learn to let your walls down, and let others "in" more

6--Don't let your fear of rejection paralyze you.

7--Don't bottle up your feelings, it only leads to emotional implosion.

8--Don't worry so much, things will be OK. 

9--Eat Less, and Workout More.

10--Don't think you can eat whatever you want now, and worry about losing the weight when you get older. It leads to years of being unhappy and low self esteem..and its harder to lose when you get older.

11--Learn how to stop using food as an emotional crutch. 

12-Don't be afraid to try new things and go out of your comfort zone.

13--Learn to Surf, Ski, and Ice Skate.

14--Take Piano Lessons, and Learn How to Sign -- Communicate via ASL (American Sign Language) -- [Both Lifelong Dreams of Mine]

15--Its ok to fall down. Just dust yourself off, pick yourself up, and carry on.

16--Rome wasnt built in a day, and you are only one person. Its ok not to finish everything right this minute.

17--It is definitely ok to have splurge days. 

18--Work on finding the middle ground instead of living in the "extremes"

19--Yes, You Really are Skinny Now. and Gaining a Few Pounds is not the end of the world


20--No Regrets. Just Opportunities for Learning!


21--Shit Happens. But Life Goes On.


22--Have faith in yourself and your decisions.

23--You have to go thru the bad days so you can appreciate the good ones.
 (23a--No matter how bad you think it is, someone always has it worse)


24--Shit Happens, and then you Move On.


25--Rome wasn't built in a day.
   25a --and you're only one person.
   25b--and neither is your new and improved body.


26--To Change Your Life, Change Your Priorities.


27--You are Strong. You are Smart. You are Valued. You are Worth It.

Advice Given to Me By Others That I Try to Live By

1--For god sakes, its only a job. You're not married to it.

2--Don't sweat the small shit, and it's all small shit

3--If you're going to worry so much, make an appointment in your calendar for it, and then stop worrying when the appointment is over.

4--When you know better, you do better (Thanks Oprah!)

5--We can't control everything, but we can control our response.

6--Move Those Thunder Thighs!

7--"This is the time to remember, because it will not last forever. These are the days to hold on to, cause you won't although you'll want to" - Credit Billy Joel

What advice would you give yourself?

Its been awhile...

I haven't updated in quite some time.  My good friend Jennifer who is on her own journey convinced me that updating my blog more might help :-)


I feel like I struggle more recently than I have since I began trying to lose weight.  


I struggled, and overcame, being morbidly obese.
I struggled, and overcame, figuring out how to maintain my weight loss and how to relax in my eating habits and not be quite so restricted all the time.


And lately, it seems I struggle more in other areas - Being more emotional, feeling the "highs and lows" more, mood swings, things bothering me and "getting to me" more than they used to pre-weight loss. Some times I feel fine and happy..and some times, I just don't.


Part of me thinks it can definitely be tied to an increase in the amount of sweets (cookies, etc) I allow myself to have now as compared to the my 1st 6 months of Weight Loss when I completely cut them off. In some ways, I was better off then. Although I craved sweets, it was the sweet of fruit (apples, strawberries, etc) that I craved - not cookies or donuts.


The healthier I eat, the better I feel..so after a weekend bender of sweets (for the past few weekends), I find my body craves the veggies and healthier foods that I try to stick to during the week.  Its a testament to the well oiled machine my body has become over the past 14 months, that I can not only "take off" on the weekends, and return to healthier habits during the week (something I never thought was possible) but I can take in (guiltily) a bunch of cookies or cupcakes and still be within a few pounds of what I consider my ideal weight.


What I've discovered is that as long as I keep the door closed, I am fine..but once I "open it" I have trouble closing it. One cookie just doesnt do it..I always want more..Until I reach the point where I yell at myself and say ENOUGH! Thank god for the metabolism I have now.


Obviously, I have self control or I would not have made it this far. But in relaxing, there are times my self control just goes right out the window.


I guess I was naive and I thought once I lost my weight and figured out how to keep it off, that my days of struggling would be less and less. But Weight Loss, and its after effects, are a life long struggle. New struggles replace old ones.


What I think it all comes down to is, I was always able to hide (mask) my emotions behind my weight, and after a bad day or frustrating or stressful situation feeding my body no longer does what it used to.  That doesnt work anymore for the New Me. The New Me needs to deal with the emotions and feelings head on, instead of burying my head in some cookies. 

The New Me's Typical Day of Eating

This was originally an email..but others have asked me the same thing, so following is what is a typical day of eating like for me..and also entails of the dietary changes I made to help get me where I am.

As far as what I ate, I try to eat every few (I've settled on every 2) hours to keep my metabolism revved up..Not full meals, just something.

Eating every few hours gets your metabolism revved up, and your body will burn what you take in much much faster.

A typical day is something like this:

Breakfast (usually 6a) - One of the following

Maple/Brown Sugar Instant Oatmeal

Maple/Brown Sugar Instant Cream of Wheat

1 container (Single Serve) of Nonfat Yogurt - I like Yoplait

Egg Whites (no eggs) - Equivalent to about 2-3 Eggs I guess.

1/2 or 1 Pancake (depends on my appetite)

Snack (Usually 8a/9a) - One of the following

Piece of Fruit - Apple, Banana, Some Strawberries, Some Grapes, Cup of Applesauce, Some Carrots, Some Celery, Raisins, Etc.

Usually a small single serving portion size - IE 4 or 6 Strawberries, 10 Grapes, 5 Mini Carrots, etc

Lunch (Usually 11a/1130a)

Cup of Soup - The Healthy Choice ones are pretty good, esp the Tomato Basil

Cup of Chicken Broth + Piece of Fruit (The broth isnt that filling so if I am still hungry, I have an apple or banana)

Small portion of Leftovers From Dinner - Some Veggies and 1/2 piece of chicken, for example

Salad with Fat Free Dressing (I wont touch Dressing unless its Fat Free)

Snack (Usually 2p or 3p) - One of the following

Piece of Fruit - Apple, Banana, Some Strawberries, Some Grapes, Cup of Applesauce, Some Raisins

Dinner (Usually 5p or 530p)

I use a small plate (like a side dish or saucer size) to control my portions

Piece of Chicken and some Vegetables - The vegetables should take up about 1/2 the plate

"Vegan" Chicken - I buy it at places like Wild Oats, Sprouts - Organic Food Stores. Tastes like chicken, but made of vegetables.

Very low in fat

If I go out, I usually end up with a salad or piece of chicken and I make substitutions as needed

-Salad - Fat Free Dressing only, remove Croutons, Cheese, and Egg

-Chicken - Plain no Sauce, Get Steamed Vegetables instead of anything Fried

I eat almost exclusively white meat chicken...I pick off the skin. Dark Meat I had read was less healthy than White, so thats why I switched.

Dessert

Fat Free Pudding

Sugar Free Rice Pudding (it only has 70calories and 1g of Fat - Regular Rice Pudding has about 200 calories)

More Fruit, Raisins, etc

I try not to eat after about 730p or 8p, but I am not always successful.

My body is so used to eating every few hours that I get hungry.

so If I do, I try to limit myself to only fruits and vegetables.

Cut Out Soda (I dont know if you drink it or not) - When I gave it up, it was my first 15 lbs.

Drink lots of water

I monitor how much Fat, especially Saturated and Trans Fats are in the foods I eat.

Saturated and Trans Fats are BAD - Have as little as possible

ANY kind of UNsaturated Fat is the GOOD Fat - You Need those - Monounsaturated, Polyunsaturated

I monitor how much cholesterol is in what I eat.

This is why I gave up eggs and Red Meat.

But anything in moderation, so you can still continue to eat those as long as you don't overdo it.

For me, they just arent a part of my lifestyle anymore.

I originally eliminated all sweets..for the 1st 6 months, now Im not quite so restrictive.

But the huge cut in my portion size plus the Working Out gave me a double whammy and helped me to lose so quickly.

I eat what I want, in moderation..and I use working out to balance it out.

But I eat some healthier alternatives like these:

Special K puts out a line of Cereal Bars that are quite tasty - Chocolate Chip, Chocolate Pretzel, Strawberry - all are about 90 calories and only a 1.5grams or so of Fat. Delicious and Low in Fat!

Fiber One puts out Brownies that are only 90 calories. Not the same as real ones, but pretty close.

Watch the breads..Breads are Carbs and once you digest them, they make you gain (and not lose) weight.

Try to switch to Wheat or MultiGrain

I use the Multigrain Sandwich Thins and the Wheat Bagel Thins - About 100 calories per serving (2 pieces) versus about 250 for a regular bagel. Many companies make them - I think Nature's Bounty and Sarah Lee and Thomas'

Watch the other carbs too

-Breads

-Rice

-Pasta

Limiting these will also help. In a dietary sense, Carbs are BAD!

Ask for Brown Rice instead of white (its better, and falls in the multigrain family - can help lower cholesterol)

I no longer use butter, margarine, or any subsitute - althhough Promise is supposed to be the best one.

Oil wise, I use Canola oil because I tried Olive Oil (which is the best) but I can't stand the taste.

When I need to sautee or fry something - I just Canola Oil flavored Pam - Chicken, Vegetables, etc

I know there is much more...the blog that you got emailed is on the internet at www.projectjmz.blogspot.com

and my older posts have some more hints that helped me - Feel free to read thru if you like.

and of course, you can always ask.

This is all stuff I learned as part of my journey.

It Never Ceases to Amaze Me...

when people tell me how much I motivate them, that their motivation in turn continues to inspire me.

I was on the fence about working out this afternoon, as the Trainer rescheduled on me. I had already worked out yesterday (Weights and Cardio), so I was thinking maybe I should take today off and rest and go back tomorrow. But, I was all Revved up with no place to go, so I figured I might as well workout since I already felt like it, and Everytime I have ignored my urge to workout, I end up dreaming about it and waking up the next morning feeling incomplete. How's that for dedication?

So, I started to do the full workout (30 Minutes of Weights and Exercises, 35 Minutes of Elliptical)..but my 38 year old bones were cracking a little too much so I decided to give the Weights a rest and just do Elliptical..since at this point, getting on the Elliptical is like walking or breathing ;-)

I was just leaving the Gym when the Maintenance Guy for my Apartment Complex stopped me on my way out and asked me, How did I lose all my weight. I see him all the time through the windows of the Fitness Center, so apparently he noticed my progress too. After I explained how I cut my portion size, also began eating multiple times a day, every few hours...He shook my hand and said how proud he was and that he was so glad to see me prove that it can be done, the natural "weigh." He further said he had a few pounds to lose and watching my progress motivated him and he was gooing to begin adopting some of my healthier habits.

Sometimes, its the random people who you never realize how much you impact them. And how much they can impact you in the same moment.