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Monday, March 3, 2014

It's OK...

My friend Lynne Hartke's Blog "Do you struggle with FOMO?" (Fear of Missing Out) is what generated this blog entry.  Her blog can be located here:
http://www.lynnehartke.com/2014/03/do-you-struggle-with-fomo.html

2011 was the year I was determined to lose weight. I wanted to by skinny.
I wanted to be the person people said "Wow, I wish I looked like that"

2012 and 2013 ended up being the years I felt like I hit rock bottom and worked my way back up.  Just as my diet and weight loss transformed the physical me, in those 2 years, I feel like I learned a lot more about myself. Even though I knew the weight loss in 2011 was about way more than weight, I had a lot more on my plate that I needed to deal with.

2014 is the year I'm determined to find the balance, "It's OK" seems to be the tagline of the year.  Since undergoing my weight loss transformation just about 3 years ago this month, I have struggled to find the balance.

The balance in being satisfied with one cookie, or one donut.
The balance in being happy with what weight I am, or what size my jeans are.
The balance between working out incessantly and realizing that taking a day off is not bad.
The balance between constantly rushing around, nonstop, and taking a day to nurture my soul, is OK.
The balance between trying to be everything to everyone, and realizing that I have my limits, too - as do others.
And the list goes on.

I yearn to find this balance, and so far, I think I'm doing a pretty good job at it.
Better than I used to, at least.
So, my new tagline is "It's OK"

For now, I'm zero tolerance when it comes to sugar/sweets - I'm on the "Diabetic Diet" as my Dad calls it. Admittedly, this is not much of a balance, but this is what works for me at this moment..and that's OK.

Even today, as I write this blog, I am sitting at home taking the day off from the Gym because I probably overdid it last week training for an upcoming 5K. This is huge for me. Previously, I would have kept pushing and ignored the pain until I could no longer ignore it.

Today, I listen to my body and and am taking the day off and rest. It's OK that I don't work out. I'll try again tomorrow. So instead, I gain an afternoon of relaxation. No running around, no errands, no gym.

The fact that I am mostly a size medium, but occasionally a large (or even a small)  in a t shirt, and my jean size is larger, too than when I was at my "Gaunt Stage" - THAT's OK, too. This year I made a conscious decision not to rely on the scale to tell me how I feel. I rely on ME, and the fit of my clothes, to tell me how I feel. 

It's OK that I indulge more on the weekends, and attempt to make up for it during the week.  If my weight fluctuates, that's OK!  I try not to beat myself up when I overdo it or feel guilty over the choices I've made. I own it.

I have "rules" but I dont hold as rigid to them as I used to when I was first trying to lose weight. I don't need to anymore. I try to make good choices, but if I want something bad, I have it. It's all about the balance. 

No matter what choice I make, I've made the right choice for me.

There are still times I second guess myself or try to figure out how I can do it all.
But, the further along I go in this journey, the more I realize that its a neverending, always growing chapter in my story.