What Can We Do?

"Life is about people. At the end of the day, we're here to connect love, time, death. Now these three things connect every single human being on earth. We long for love. We wish we had more time. And we fear death."
--Howard Inlet, "Collateral Beauty"

I have been through my share of challenges and struggles, but it seems the hardest of those to get through, live through, and learn to overcome, is when a loved one is challenged medically.

I have long been a "fixer".
My eternal goal is to "fix the problem" and help someone else out, make their life easier so we can go back to normal, regular, non-issue life.

I am a fixer at work; it's my job, and where my strengths lie. If there is a workaround to be published, I can find it, as one solution to a problem.

At home, when it comes to raising my two parental "kids" I feel like I'm at a huge disadvantage.

During a recent outburst, I exclaimed "I can't fix you. The only way I know how to fix you is to bring you to a doctor. 

Even if it's only temporary, at least it will provide some comfort because constant discomfort is not fair to you."

All I want to do is fix, fix, fix.

But I can't fix anymore than I can tell you why we're on the path we're on.

But what I can do is LOVE.

What I can do is show my love to those around me, 
and tell them how I feel while I still have that precious opportunity.

What I can do is cherish the time we get to spend together, 
because nothing lasts forever, 
and nearly everything is temporary.

Truly, it is what is.
We can't change it,
We can't fix it,
We can't undo it.

What we can do is make the most of time each of us have, each and every day.

That is what we can all do.

The Son Becomes the Father...

I have long said, and I frequently quote, one of my favorite quotes, from the original Superman movie:

We will never leave you... even in the face of our death. 
The richness of our lives shall be yours. 
All that I have, all that I've learned, everything I feel... all this, and more, 
I... I bequeath you, my son. 
You will carry me inside you, all the days of your life. 
You will make my strength your own, and see my life through your eyes, 
as your life will be seen through mine. 
The son becomes the father, and the father the son.

I liked it so much I made the meme above, and I have used it as my profile picture on Facebook from time to time.

It has nearly always resonated with me, and in recent years, it has really rung quite true when it comes to both my parents. I can appreciate (I hope) everything they have done for me throughout as the years, as we now switch roles and I basically turn into a parent myself as their primary Caregiver.

We will never leave you...
You will carry me inside you, all the days of your life.
I carry some of the best, and probably some of the worst (lol) parts of each of my parents.

From my Mom:
I am emotional and sensitive, caring about others feelings.
I can shop and love a good deal like no one's business! Coupons, baby!
I love to travel, eat well, and live a good life.
My love of the finer things (quality sheets, good name clothes) comes from my Mom.

From my Dad:
The older I get, the more I turn into him.
Because he's turning into my Grandfather, I guess I'm turning into my own Grandpa.
I am logical and ontime to a fault. 
If I am "ontime", I consider myself late. Ontime for me means early.
I am a prankster, I love scaring others (especially Dad) and someone scaring me.

My sarcasm is probably equal parts Mom and Dad.

I want to say I never listened, but they were always right when they said as a kid, don't try to pull it, we're smarter than you and have tried it when we were kids. It didn't matter, I still thought I could outsmart them. Every. Single. Time.

You will make my strength your own, 

The strength and support which I felt as a child looking up to my parents and still feel, unconditionally, I now have the opportunity to repay to my parents. When they are the ones struggling with something, I am there, to run their errands and make their life easier in any and every way possible. 

When I'm upset, they held strong and convinced me not to give up. 
When they are upset, I remain the strong force reinforcing that "everything will be ok" and "no matter what, we will figure it out, and putting my own feelings aside for the moment, if needed.

and see my life through your eyes, as your life will be seen through mine.
Somewhere along the way, our roles have switched. 
Who's the parent and who's the child here?

The son becomes the father and mother
And The father and the mother become the "son"
I make no secret that many times, I feel like I'm raising a couple of 70 year old kids:

I run them to doctor's appointments, and medical tests.

I drive them to the movies and pay for their sodas;
I have been known to drive them to meetings with their friends.

I forbid them to drive downtown (Phoenix) by themselves, not because of their driving, but because of the other drivers.

When Dad was learning how to drive with the hand controls, I drove him to driving school!
How's that for a role reversal.

I worry (I know, hard to imagine) and I ask them to text me at times when they arrive home safe.

I do some of their grocery shopping for them and make sure before I leave town for a few days that they are well stocked up.

I fill up their car with gas, and in every way possible try to make their lives easier.

My Father, when necessary, has been grounded. 

When they are nitpicking too much, I mediate between the two.
 (aka "Don't make me stop this car")

I am in charge of the travel arrangements when we go away; I book hotels when they go away, and put my credit card down.

I do most of the driving, in their car.

There are times I put their needs first before my own.

I make sure they eat, even so far as cooking for them:
One of the most interesting and recent epiphanies I had recently was the fond memories I hold of my Grandma (Dad's mother) making scrambled eggs with onions on the weekends, when I was a little boy. Grandma taught Dad, and he would then make them for me as well. Now, I've learned his secrets on how to cook them, and I take great satisfaction on preparing them for him, as he has done for me.

Man, do they have a good deal going! 
I think I want me to parent me.