tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8926039625968948102024-02-07T03:58:17.122-08:00Project Jeff: Working on myself, one speed bump at a time!I am a constant work in progress on this journey called life.MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.comBlogger93125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-2323095465551321072021-10-25T20:17:00.003-07:002021-10-25T20:17:34.468-07:00We are Our Stories: Family Vacations and Fun Times<p> <span style="font-family: verdana;">Vacations were an integral part of my experience growing up, and I'm sure, led to my love of travel and and my love to also return to favorite places. We would vacation somewhere, and then return there to a place liked. One of those: Ocean City, MD - I think we made about 3 or 4 trips there over a few years.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Rehoboth, DE with its outlet mall was also a favored spot during these trips. But in Ocean City, we spent the day at the pool or the ocean, and found some favorite dining spots. There were the to die for omelettes at the Bayside skillet, the ribs at JR's (I think it may have been the first time I ever had ribs), the ice cream sundaes at Dumser's Drive In (a cross between a Dennys and a Sonic). I remember they were open late and we went out for ice cream one night at 11pm! Once again, Dad had heard of a place (many years before the Food Network was a thing!) serving an open faced (roast) pit beef sandwich so we walked up and down the Ocean City Boardwalk looking for it. We finally did find it - Happy Dad, Happy Family that time. Right next store, was a french fry placed called "Thrashers" and after that Mom and I would say "we feel like Thrashers" while we were during the week or whatnot... Uncharacteristically, Dad blew up and boomed "they are not THRASHERs, They are French Fries!" -- I'm not sure exactly what set him off about it, but it was one of those stories that lived on for decades and decades.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">One of those trips, they wanted a dinner alone, so I got to choose the restaurant they picked up my dinner from and I sat on the balcony of our room at the hotel, overlooking the pool and ocean, and had my dinner. It was heaven!! Early introverting at its best!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">We took other trips and it seemed like they sometimes tied in to stuff I was learning in school or in movies we saw - Historical based trips to Williamsburg, Virginia; Plymouth and Boston, Massachusetts. Philadelphia was only a short drive away that we made a few times a year to get a cheesesteak, or see Independence Hall and the Franklin Science Center. We did a New England trip one summer or fall after seeing "Mystic Pizza" and spent some time in Connecticut, Rhode Island, and Massachusetts - I believe we went to the New England Aquarium and then of course, Mystic Pizza! where I took a picture next to Julia Roberts' picture! <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Indiana (Dad) Zaben, ever the planner like his son turned out to be - would visit AAA and get not only the maps but the triptiks to plan out how we would drive there, where we might stop and get gas, etc - I tease him over this but remember this was before GPS, before Google and the internet - I have to give him the fact we needed that to not be completely lost. In Boston, I remember going to Cheers! as the show was popular then, and in Plymouth seeing Plymouth Rock and being fascinated that colonists on the Mayflower had stepped on this very spot where I was. It was also the first time we went whale watching, which became a life long passion for me. I still love to do that and see whales and dolphins...bucket list item for me is to see a whale tailfin upclose so that I can get a picture of it and witness a breech!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">We had an amusement park near us, Great Adventure, but one summer we ended up in Hershey, PA. Hershey Park, Chocolate shopping - OMG - I was in HEAVEN! Hershey Park was especially notable because I talked Mom into going on this ride with me - similar to the pirate ship - just went up and around - did not flip over or anything. I was having a blast, and said to Mom on the ride - "Isn't this fun?!" - She looked funny and had her head in her lap. We got off the ride and she could barely walk. It had terrified her. That may have been the last ride she ever went on with me except for a car.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">There were trips to Pennsylvania - My parents passed their love of the Amish, the Amish Country and just Pennsylvania in general on to me. My eternal 12 year old sense of humor loved some of the town names - LiTITz, Intercourse, Mount Joy. What was going on in Pennsylvania? lol<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">There were also multiple trips to see family, some of which I made on my own. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">One of the first times I ever got an airplane was to visit Aunt Eileen, Uncle Rick and my Grandparents (Dad's parents) in El Paso. I was only about 7 or so, but I have a couple strong memories from then - building a fort in the backyard with my cousins, and then my Aunt telling us we had to take a bath when we came inside because we were so filthy from outside. She doesn't do shmutz and she certainly did not do it then! :) Also, riding in the back of their station wagon, with my Aunt, and tickling her toes (and probably she tickled mine too)....My Aunt was a Kindergarten teacher, and she she took me to her class one day which I thought was just really cool and fun to go with her. (I also loved going with my Dad to work and using the Xerox machine. I guess I was a Judy Bernly in training, I just didn't know it)<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">The summer Dad was eventually diagnosed with cancer, my parents sent me to Texas to my Grandparents/Aunt and Uncle/and cousins. In hindsight, I think they did that to protect me and give me some happy memories during a challenging time. A skill I didn't realize at the time, but I am so thankful to them for, and I am thankful to now be able to implement on my own as a coping and survival tactic. At the time, we didn't know it was cancer - that would be diagnosed just over a month after I got back home. But that summer and the next, I spent in El Paso making wonderful memories with family. It was during that time, I was about 14, I decided that somehow, somewhere, I was going to move out to the Desert Southwest.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">My Aunt was a kindergarten teacher as I said, and I remember coloring these snoopy things she made for her class. It helped her out, but in hindsight as an adult, what a great way to relieve anxiety too. Well one night, I think we ran out of Snoopys to color, so we went to Kinkos around 11pm to make some copies. This particular Kinkos, the machines were named to identify them. "Muffy" "Buffy" "Tuffy" etc which I thought was not only cute, but hysterical. As luck would have it, the machine my Aunt was using broke. She broke Tuffy! or was it Muffy! Oh such fun times and memories <3 <br /></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">El Paso is a border city and walking over to Juarez, Mexico was an OK thing to do then. So we did - went shopping, etc.. I remember crossing back over to the US, US Border Patrol asked if we were all US citizens, and my Aunt replied "Except my nephew, he's from NEW JERSEY!!" I wanted to curl up in a ball, but the officer laughed and let us through - after we paid the 25c fee of course! <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">We went to Santa Fe and White Sands, NM during that first summer, and visited the City of Rocks during the 2nd summer, 1989..when my parents surprised all of us and spent a couple weeks after Dad was well enough to travel. It was quite funny at the time, because I had called them a few days earlier asking to send more money because I found this store called "Mervyns" and I wanted to do my back to school shopping there. Dad said they would "think about it" which I had heard plenty of by this time and I knew that was really a "No." But, neither of my parents spilled the beans, and within a few days, they pulled off their surprise:</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I was at Aunt Eileen's with the rest of the family, and my Grandparents were a few miles away at their house. They relied on my Aunt for transportation, so when they knocked on the door and my Aunt answered - her first question was how did you get over here, and they said they had walked. My Aunt didn't believe them and got suspicious and peeked her head out the door. "Allie, is that you?" I heard her say...the next thing I knew, she was waddling down the street shrieking "if that's my brother, I'm gonna drop dead!" Such a fun memory!! My parents were parked in a rental car, just down the block. <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Dad's cancer was of course, a life changing thing for him and for us. We travelled a bit more after, even though it was probably hard and tiring on him. He was determined because life was short. We returned to El Paso for at least one Thanksgiving in the next few years, and in December 1988 for my Grandfather's 80th Birthday party. What I remember from that was not how he looked because of the chemo, but how he still tried to make everyone laugh and keep things light, despite whatever he was feeling. He dressed up in a nightgown and a shower cap one night and threw himself (flirted) with my uncle. It worked - everyone laughed. One night, we used my Uncle's telescope to see the stars, it was cold out and my Aunt made hot chocolate. Sometimes those simple kind of memories are the best ones. Inside joke, my Aunt will know what I mean, when I say, I think the first time I got the thumbs was during this visit! And if it wasnt the first, it was certainly the most memorable for me.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">There were trips to Baltimore, also to visit family and the Inner Harbor.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">We went to Disney World and Universal Studios (Florida) just after I graduated high school as a Graduation present.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">While Dad introduced me to his love of music, it was Mom who introduced me to the arts. I love a good theatre show or musical, thanks to her. We saw Rosie O'Donnell play Rizzo in Grease where I think I got her signature and probably shook her hand. We saw Bette Midler (I think at Radio City Music Hall) and Barbara Joan Streisand at Madison Square Garden. My first concert ever was either Kris Kristofferson (country music singer at the time) with Nicolette Larson at a NJ State Fair or the Beach Boys performing at a local amusement park one night. We've seen Air Supply a few times too. In 2022, we have tickets to see "Come From Away" that was cancelled last year due to Covid. We've seen 'A Chorus Line' performed live which was also a bucket list item for me.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Seeing the Rockettes and walking around NYC during the Holidays and seeing the Holiday windows was such a special treat for me, and in writing this, is why when Mom and I did similar in London in 2018 - it nourished my soul on a level I I can't really put into words. But it gives me absolute, pure joy, and I/we will make another trip to London when it is safe to go during that time.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">After Dad died, Mom and I began travelling again. From my perspective, part to combat the traumatic loss and part to live as if we were dying (to quote Tim McGraw) and taking advantage of the time we have left and as I called it, "making intentional memories." We did a bunch of daytrips - San Francisco, Vegas, Orange County, Monterrey and more. Some of the bigger trips - Maui, London, Burbank (Warner Brothers Studio Tour, Universal Studios and Hollywood), an annual trip back to New Mexico (Albuquerque and Santa Fe).. notable during one Santa Fe trip during the winter was we decided to drive up the mountains to the ski area, only to get stuck in our rental car. Talk about stress!! Thanks to a couple of guys who helped push us out and then we did not stop, we did not pass go, we did not collect $200 - kept going all the way back down the mountain to the non-snow-areas. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">As I wrote this, it is the 4th anniversary of missing Dad. As has been the case, the lead up has been an expected challenge, but today, at the moment at least, I feel a sense of calm and peace. We are preparing to leave in a few hours for another trip of making intentional memories - Newport, Laguna, and the Seal Beach areas of Southern California.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">We make more "intentional memories" on every single trip, and there are more to come. <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></p>MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-37601676961597920872021-10-07T16:21:00.001-07:002021-10-07T16:21:31.710-07:00We are Our Stories: Taking our Driving Skills into the Ground<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">For as long as I can remember, Dad and I loved to insult each other's driving, and every once in a while this would extend to my Mom as well.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">One of the earliest occurrences: While learning to drive with my learner's permit, I cut a turn too close and moved a planter on Stockton Street in Hightstown a few feet. Maybe I didn't like where it was placed and thought it needed to be centered more. But Dad was the one who was infamous for missing turns and waiting until the last minute to exit the highway. (Something he always faulted me for!)</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">In high school, out with my friends one Friday or Saturday night, I got my first speeding ticket. I was hoping to get off with a warning, but no such luck. and I was not as calm as I sound now - so many years later. I dropped my one friend David off at home, and Adam agreed to go back with me to my parents to drop the bomb. I figured they wouldn't kill me if he was there. So, we get back to my house, and I don't remember exactly how we told them, but poor Adam got so worked up my parents forgot to yell at me and were comforting him even though I was the one with the ticket - Something I still find hilarious!<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">One weekend, driving to some place he heard about on the Food Network (if it was on the Food Network, it was Alan approved) he almost missed the exit off the New Jersey Turnpike and cut across the median to make it just in time.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Another time, driving to the Route 1 Flea Market, he missed the turn and after Mom and I yelled, he actually yelled back which was rare for him "SO I MISSED THE EFFING TURN ITS NOT THE END OF THE EFFING WORLD!!" It was so rare for him to yell, we both shut up after that, although we never let him forget it, either. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Years later, we were on a roadtrip in Arizona or New Mexico somewhere, and Indiana Zaben with his maps from AAA, discovered a shortcut to get us back home. So, we drive, 45 minutes to get to this shortcut. It was a lovely drive. The only problem was, the shortcut did not exist. We ended up at a dead end, only to turn around and drive the 45 minutes back after we saw the highway right in front of us, but no way to get to it. This was affectionately termed "shortcuts that don't exist to highways that don't intersect". Ironically, this was repeated just a few years before Dad died, AGAIN - we drove somewhere only to turn around and go back and before I could say a word, I heard "NOT ONE WORD JEFFREY NOT ONE WORD" as I sat in the backseat. After he had calmed down, I mentioned to Mom "sometimes you just have to let them make their own mistakes..." -- certainly, when Dad was still in hearing range...<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Driving back from El Paso to Arizona after spending a holiday with the family, I got another speeding ticket - This one in New Mexico. There is nothing like getting a speeding ticket with your father sitting in the car. He gave me a new nickname on that trip - LFMFT - Lead Foot Means Fast Travelling... and he would routinely refer to me as Lead Foot after that unfortunate incident.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">When I left NJ to move to Arizona in 2001, Dad drove me with me. I planned to drive alone just I had during college in New Mexico, but Dad insisted - He got really nervous at me driving alone for that long of a time. In hindsight, I am so glad he did. It was a great trip! Ever the planner, I had all our stops planned and hotels picked out. My car was loaded full of everything to get me started in Arizona. Leaving Oklahoma City on Day 3 I believe, we planned to stop in Lubbock, TX and then El Paso, TX... but we were already tired of driving. So, we stopped on our way out of Oklahoma City at a Krispy Kreme, and got a dozen donuts and a 2 liter bottle of soda (probably a Diet Coke as he had been diabetic for years by this time). That 2 liter of soda and the 12 donuts got us all the way to El Paso - a 13 hour car ride. We stopped only for gas and the bathroom.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Even after two days resting in El Paso, we were
still both sick of driving and car, but not necessarily each other. We
floored it all the way to Phoenix. How neither of us didn't end up with a
speeding ticket, who knows.</span> <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Speaking of Krispy Kremes, Mom and I had our own story with them. Still living in NJ, she visited me for about a week, and I told her she had to try this donut shop that had just opened here! So, we got our dozen and noshed throughout the week. I was flying back to NJ with her, and there was half a box of donuts left. What?! So, we decide to take them in the car and nosh on the way to the airport. OMG - It was like Overeaters Anonymous. "Hand me a donut, scarf it down, hand me another!" -- I remember Mom saying "You're gonna make yourself sick!" My response: Shut up and hand me another donut"!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Mom was not immune to the driving stories either.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">One time driving me (us) from Albuquerque back to school in Las Cruces, Dad and I heard this rumbling as she pulled into the shoulder. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">What happened, he asked?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Oh nothing, I just fell asleep for a minute that's all"</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">One time when she was driving pretty aggressively..after we arrived at home, I got out of the car from the backseat, looked under the rear wheels, and said something like "Holy Shit, I think I see Superman's cape under there!"</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Similarly, it was one way to really (and easily) irritate Dad - I would get out of the car, and kiss the ground when it was in park and he was no longer driving. <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">When he would take a corner a little too tightly, I would semi-mutter, loud enough for him to hear, almost like a prayer "Four Wheels, Four Wheels, Four Wheels" - He started saying that to me too when he thought I was taking it a little close. I'm actually not sure anymore who started saying that first, but it was just one of the ways we taunted each other and felt the love. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">As happens with many people, his reflexes slowed as he got older, and he felt I stopped too close without allowing enough time. Out of the corner of my eye, I would see him from the passenger seat - try to apply the brakes as if he was the one driving.. I use to call those his "air brakes" - 'Oh, did you need to use the air brakes, Dad?"</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">To finish, For Father's Day one year, I wrote a Top 10 Things I learned about driving from him..or maybe that should have been what not to do...</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">FB is great for remembering, saving, and reminding me of these gems.<br /></span></p><p></p><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> <span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Here's the Top 10 Things I've learned about driving from my Dad! <span class="pq6dq46d tbxw36s4 knj5qynh kvgmc6g5 ditlmg2l oygrvhab nvdbi5me sf5mxxl7 gl3lb2sf hhz5lgdu"></span></span></span></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">1--Driving over a median should never stop you.</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">2--Don’t trust maps, I always know the shortcuts that don’t exist to highways that don’t intersect.</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">3--If I miss the f------ turn, its not the end of the f------ world.</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">4--Always wait til the last minute before getting into lane to exit.</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">5--If you make a 90 Degree Right Turn with Dad in the car, he almost craps his pants.</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">6--Why use the turn signal, you could just save $200.</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">7--If you get a speeding ticket with Dad in the car, he never lets you forget it and you get a new nickname as a result.</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">8--If its on Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives, its an OK place to stop and eat.</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">9--When driving across the country, a box of Krispy Kremes and a 2 liter bottle of Coke can get you from Oklahoma City to El Paso.</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">10—The rules don’t apply to Dad, but they do apply to you when you are driving!!!</span></span></div></div><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">In retaliation, after he promised me a payback...he nailed me equally as good. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I nailed his driving skills, but he really nailed our relationship :) <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Turnabout was definitely fair play, and we both took as much shit from each other as we gave. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Here is his retaliatory Top 10: (unedited)<br /></span></span></p><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">''I warned you about the paybacks: Top 10 things I’ve learned about life from Jeff:"</span></span></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">1.
Never take protective plastic off of anything. He has a plastic
covering around the screen of his computer which has more wrinkles than a
100 year old. It looks horrible but he won’t remove it.</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">2. Never take a tag off of anything. He has multiple items with the original tags on them.</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">3. Be cheap.</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">4. Sucker your Dad into buying something you want but don’t want to pay for.</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">5.
When you don’t want to do something, claim ignorance: “Jeff, can you
bring me the <whatever>?” and Jeff responds, “I don’t know where
it is.” Most of the time it is right in front of him…grrrrrrrrr!</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">6.
Remember every little thing your Dad has ever done that has not worked
out correctly and feel free to remind him of them all the time.</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">7.
Sneak up on your Dad and scare the living crap out of him then laugh
yourself silly when his hair stands up straight and his eyes pop out of
his face as he rises up from a sitting position with his legs and arms
flailing.</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">8. Use your Dad’s beard trimmer (which I don’t mind) and leave all the little cootie hairs in the sink (WHICH I DO MIND!).</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">9.
When you visit with your Mom and Dad, make sure to grab the TV changer
and lose it on the sofa so he can’t change the channel and watch Diners,
Drive Ins and Dives or some other fascinating and educational show.</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">10.
Make breakfast for your Dad, with all the trimmings, and think that is
enough to make up for all the little things you do to him.</span></span></div></div><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></p>MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-72423984802928606972021-09-23T18:09:00.000-07:002021-09-23T18:09:27.374-07:00We are Our Stories: Pranks, Jokes, and Other Funny Memories<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I needed (wanted) some bookshelves in my room as a teen and Dad in his infinite wisdom, decided it would be a great weekend project for us to do ourselves. We bought the unfinished wood, the shellack, we used my existing natural wood dresser as the workspace. It was a comedy of errors from start to finish. The shellack he put into styrofoam cups, not realizing when we let it sit - it would eat through the styrofoam. Hammering a nail, he slammed his thumb which I thought was hilarious. Its only funny until someone gets hurt and then its hysterical, right? The shelves were finished and hung up on the wall with brackets if I remember correctly.. Oh lord - it looked so awful we called it Carpenter's Nightmare, and we never attempted anything similar again. Oh, and from all the hammering and nails we used, the top of my dresser had multiple permanent nail holes in it. Oops!! Bob Vila was popular at the time on "This Old House" on PBS - probably where Dad got the idea from!! Bob Vila probably would have had a heart attack if he saw it LOL</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">In later years, we said if Dad saw it on the Food Network, it was a Dad approved place to eat. But before the Food Network, there was PBS and he watched Bob Vila and a few cooking shows - I remember "Yan Can Cook" was a Chinese food cook and that's how we ended up with the wok from what he watched on there.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Apparently if it was on PBS, some version of made it into our house. </span><br /></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> ..</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Growing up, Dad and I were famous (or maybe infamous or both) for pranking each other. There were multiple water fights, ice fights, ice water poured over showers as one of us was showering..I can still hear him lovingly scream..you son of a bitch as I waited for him to retaliate. He would say something about payback and that there would definitely be a payback, but when I least expected it! And he did...<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">One time, I hid behind the kitchen wall, heard him approach and downed a bucket of ice cold water, stopping him dead in his tracks. He got me too, although I hated to admit it. I remember him coming up behind me and screaming trying to catch me off guard. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't, sometimes I would hold it together even though it really rattled me and tried to prevent him from seeing that it did! Of course, he did the same with me.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">One time in the house on Robertson Road one Sunday morning, we chased each other and I grabbed what I could to defend myself - a container of Johnson's Baby Powder. From the landing on the stairs between the 1st and 2nd floor, I squirted the baby powder towards him. Unfortunate for me, Mom was standing between us and she and her hair got caught in the crossfire. The one thing you still never do - is mess with Mom's hair. How we both managed to survive that episode, I'll never know.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">This extended to driving...when one of us would scream to catch the other off guard, especially as we were backing out of a parking spot. I can still hear him bellowing "WATCH IT JEFF!!!" followed by me slamming the brakes. Years later, I tried it with a friend as she drove and she exclaimed "Shit! What did I hit?!" - I had a really good laugh over that with Dad. I was definitely his son in that regard. If I had a water bottle in the backseat, I would fake sneeze and then spray water from the bottle on his neck which was pretty good at startling him and catching him off guard. More on driving in a different blog post, though.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">For the most part, I caught him offguard, but the times he managed to get me..He would scream and holler in excitement and point his finger at me gloating over it. I hated to admit it, but he was right! <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> There were a few times I really thought he was going to kill me.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">1..We had a wooden screen door on one of the apartments we lived in, and it locked with a latch, but from the outside, you could still jiggle it a bit. The way the apartment was setup, the back of his desk faced the front door (screen door). I came home from school one day, and was typical for him - he was deep in thought at the computer, I saw my chance, and I yanked and slammed the screen door, causing it to make a really loud bang. He jumped a mile out of the chair and then he screamed. Its almost 37 years ago and I can still laugh and see this play out like a video in my head. I really scared him that time.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">2..In that same apartment, one time, it was like a scene playing out of a movie. He
was sitting at his desk, which was immediately behind our kitchen table.
He stood up, like he was going to walk away. I pulled the chair away so
I could sit in it...only for him to count on the chair still being
behind him..He went flat down on his back with his head ending up
underneath the kitchen table.. It was the best unintentional trust fall I
have ever seen. He thought it was funny as I did, but Mom thought I did it on purpose. </span><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">3..He had a metal Tweety tea kettle and with his back to me, I again saw my chance and I snuck up behind him and with a wooden spoon and the Tweety Kettle, I banged the two of them together. CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! He jumped really high, he screamed, and his legs started moving like he was trying to run although he never moved from where he was sitting... I apologized to him but initially he had told me to "go away, go far away" because he was so scared he couldnt even look at me" he was so angry.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Luckily, he didn't. and I lived and survived to tell these stories.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Eventually, he would laugh over them too.</span><br /></p>MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-17753099112063896552021-09-19T05:18:00.001-07:002021-09-19T05:27:18.567-07:00We are Our Stories: Times I Managed Not to Get Killed<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">My Aunt had taken me shopping to some mall, and I decided to hide under one of those circular clothing racks (I was probably around 3-5 years old at the time). I have only vague recollection of this - but it sounds like me. Anyhow, so I hide under this rack when my Aunt isn't looking, and I hear her calling for me and I stayed hidden for a few minutes. I finally came out from the rack, totally proud of myself "HaHa, Aunt Bernie, I was hiding!" I'm surprised she didn't kill me LOL</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">.. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">One of Dad's favorite stories (and I vaguely remember this one) - If I was going to get spanked, the words I heard were "Assume the Position!". Well, I decided I was going to outsmart him this one time. I did assume the position (which meant face down across his lap) but I placed some hardcover books down my backside to cushion the blow. I thought I was so smart he wouldnt know, and I planned to scream bloody murder to make him think he made his point. Well, he started laughing so hard he couldn't spank me. So although it didn't happen the way I thought it would - I guess I was still successful!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">..</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">In nursery school one day, I was sent to sit in the corner and they called my parents to come get me. My act of defiance? Another kid dared me to say some curse words, and I took the dare. I dont remember which parent had to leave work to pick me up, but I bawled "he made me say them!"</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Speaking of cursing, I was around my parents enough and picked up on words they said. Dad, for his part, did not curse much and tried to watch what he said around me. Instead of "Oh Shit" he would routinely use "Oh Sugar".</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">But I could tell how to use the words they said even though they forbid me to use them. One day, angry at something they told me I couldn't do, I got out of the car when we returned home, stamped my foot and exclaimed "Damn Damn Double Damn," for which I got sent to my room. I always wondered why they didn't acknowledge the proper use of a word I had never used before.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">After watching a Flintstones episode one day, Fred said to Wilma "Will you open the cotton picking door?"</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">A few days later, Mom took me and a friend to a movie and when we got home, she was taking too long for my liking, so I repeated what I heard: "Will you open the cotton picking door already?" I got punished over that one, but I feel it was more over my tone than what I actually said.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">TONE would end up being a big thing through my teenage years.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">"Don't you use that tone with me"</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">"Don't you put an edge on your words with me"</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">(This is where I would emphasize the last syllable as in alRITE! (alright)..or FINE!!!) <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">..<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Living in NJ at the time, and I was probably 10/11 or so - Dad was working in New York and Mom and I decided to see a play and spend the day in Manhattan. Had a great time and then we took a taxi and were meeting up with Dad at the airport to fly somewhere. Getting into the taxi, Mom was taking forever..so I thought I would help her with a little nudge (push) so that I could get in to the cab too.. Oooh boy, bad decision, Bad Decision. I learned never to push Mom getting into a cab again.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Speaking of travelling, and with similar circumstances years later.. Mom and I flew to New Mexico (Albuquerque) to look at colleges. This was where I decided to go to school at NMSU in Las Cruces, but we looked at both NMSU (in Las Cruces) and UNM (in Albuquerque). It seems our connecting flight was delayed in Houston and we finally boarded very late at night...Tired, and just wanting to get there as we probably had to be up early for my campus visit - We finally board and get on the plane. I was so excited, I was probably about 10 feet ahead of Mom. I just wanted to get there! I got to our row, and looked she was looking in the overhead bins for room for her bags..Frustrated, I exclaimed loudly "RIGHT OVER, HERE MOTHER!" -- I never called her Mother - EVER... and she even said to someone "Uh oh! I'm in trouble now...he called me Mother!" <br /></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">.. <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Mom and I knew (and still do) know how to push each other's buttons very well.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Dad once said, Mom and I arguing was like having an open wound, and then one of us is not only swirling the knife around the wound, but we made sure to pour sugar on it too (or maybe it was salt) just to make sure it hurt..</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">It was during one of those arguments, Mom picked up from somewhere..some movie or something...to tell me that she was taking me out to the shed and one of us wasn't gonna make it back!! <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">One of the best ways for me to push her buttons when we were arguing..was I realized if I tried to get the upper hand in the argument, she didn't know how to react. I somehow learned this at a very early age. I don't remember what I did, but I got home and she had said something to the effect of "don't do this again OR ELSE". To which my reply was "or else what?" -- In my defense, I just wanted to know what the consequences were so I could weigh my options and decide was it worth it in my opinion. The problem was, she didn't have an "or else" and it infuriated her that I asked. I remember she sent me to my room, and after my Dad came home from work (I was probably around 8 or 9), I heard the two of them talking in the living room and I heard him say, "Honey, just give him an or else!" Writing this, I started laughing - even back then my Dad and I just spoke the same language and had the same logic! (To set the record straight, I never did get an "or else what")<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">When I got older, I continued to use logic when I argued.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">In a Penneys store one time shopping with Dad for new clothes for him - Mom and I were having one of our moments when she got mad at something I said, and whatever she said back to me - I didn't like either. I told her when she was ready to address me and talk like a human instead of a child, she could come to talk. You can imagine how well that went over. About as well as the time I told her I was probably 15 or so and "tired of her stuff!" Woo Boy.. am I ever surprised I survived to adulthood.</span><br /></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Even as an adult, we knew how to push each other's buttons. Part of it is we are both alike and emotional. This one time in the car, I kept pushing because I felt relatively safe with family in the car with me..She wouldn't kill me with both of there, right? So, whatever I said I could tell I got to her..and then I had the nerve to ask her..Are you OK, Mom? You sound irritated.. Is everything alright? </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">With Dad, I pushed buttons later in life, but as a young kid - Mom was really the disciplinarian and if Dad got involved, I was in big trouble!! I remember times he only had to say my name and I knew to stop before I really got it!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">When I got older, I would taunt him and say 'What's your name" </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">"Dad"</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">"What's your name on your birth certificate?"</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">"As far as you are concerned, its Dad"</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I continued to torment him and realized if I called him, it tended to get under his skin. Every once in a while, I would hear him mutter "I am not going to do it, I am not going to do it..I am not going to let that little shit get to me" -- I told him by the time he said that, he to admit I already had - and we both laughed. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">It was because of the "Al" stuff that he swore if he could go back he would have given me a name that could be shortened to 2 letters and it was during this time he gave me yet another nickname - Jemooz - which was born out of my initials JMZ..Sometimes he would call me Jamoke.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Dad would often quip "Enough with the Al shit. My name is Dad"</span><br /></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">This part of the Al story became famous when we saw the movie "A Good Day to Die Hard." The plot concerned John McClane and his estranged son. Imagine our surprise to hear "Enough with the John shit, my name is Dad" from Bruce Willis. We both threw a look at each other and then dissolved into hysterical laughter. It must have taken us 20 minutes to stop laughing so hard. I think Hollywood owes us some royalties for that one.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">..</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">To her credit, Mom taught me how to do my own laundry sometime before I left for college. As a kid, we did not have a washer/dryer in our apartment and so we went out to the laundromat to do it. This was the start of where Dad and I said she was the Psychotic Laundress From Hell. She would ask me if I wanted to go with her, and then force me to go if I said no. LOL.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">At the time, she was particular about how certain things were folded, so though she wanted my company and help folding stuff out of the dryer, she would sometimes refold if it didn't meet her expectations. The way I fold towels came out of this.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Years later, the Psychotic Laundress the title was solidified, before one family vacation. By now, we had a washer and dryer in the house which was in the basement, and she was doing some pre-vacation laundry. She gave me strict orders to take what was in the washer and put in in the dryer for so many minutes on such and such setting. Typical Me, I didn't listen and I re-washed what was in the washer for another cycle. Holy Hell - That was the time Dad and I figured out it only took .06 seconds for her to turn from Mom to Bitch.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">..</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Dad helped me pack and move one time after I had been in Arizona for a while. He flew out using my flight benefits, and together we went to Uhaul, bought a bunch of boxes, and began packing up my apartment in Tempe when I initially moved to Chandler. We ran out of boxes and had to do a 2nd run to buy more. So we did. As he finished packing, the boxes were stacked in one corner of the apartment. I decided to mess with him as he was standing by the door after a few hours of hard labor for us both. You could see the difference in the two kinds of boxes because the color of the font was slightly different. <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Me: Uh Oh.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Dad: What's Wrong?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Me: You can't have a Hunter Green next to a Forest Green?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Dad: Slams the door in my face </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">It was absolutely hilarious when it occured and the perfect retort to what I said.<br /></span></p><p><br /></p>MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-64493724226251871102021-09-13T12:06:00.001-07:002021-09-13T16:41:48.651-07:00We are Our Stories: Jacking Off an Elephant<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I haven't figured out how exactly this will work or how I will do this - but I have had this on my mind for a while. I wrote recently "We are our stories."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">As time and my motivation to write permit, I am going to start capturing some of them. Not sure if they will stay on this blog or if I will create a separate blog for this purpose<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">They will be in no particular order, just stories I happen to remember and think of and add to my "list" - some quotes or short anecdotes, and some will be longer more involved stories.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Here is the first one.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b>"Jacking off an Elephant"</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Mom was in the hospital for one of her knee replacement surgeries.<b> </b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Dad used the bathroom in her room, and then used the hand sanitizer from the dispenser.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">It's even funnier in hindsight because hand sanitizer didn't mean as much then as it does right now.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">At any rate, he used the sanitizer dispenser, which blew a load into his hands.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">He came out of the bathroom, exclaimed "Look at this! It looks like I jacked off a ------- elephant!!" </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Of course, we all started laughing hysterically and somewhere - there is a picture of his hands. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span class="d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v b1v8xokw oo9gr5id" dir="auto" lang="en">___ <br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span class="d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v b1v8xokw oo9gr5id" dir="auto" lang="en">That
same hospital stay, after surgery, I remember in recovery the Dr said
to Mom, we can’t move you to a regular room until you’re stable and not
asking for pain medication. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span class="d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v b1v8xokw oo9gr5id" dir="auto" lang="en"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span class="d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v b1v8xokw oo9gr5id" dir="auto" lang="en">My retort: Waiting for her to be mentally
stable? </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span class="d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v b1v8xokw oo9gr5id" dir="auto" lang="en">Like that’ll ever ———- happen LOL. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span class="d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v b1v8xokw oo9gr5id" dir="auto" lang="en">We all laughed. <br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span class="d2edcug0 hpfvmrgz qv66sw1b c1et5uql lr9zc1uh a8c37x1j keod5gw0 nxhoafnm aigsh9s9 d3f4x2em fe6kdd0r mau55g9w c8b282yb iv3no6db jq4qci2q a3bd9o3v b1v8xokw oo9gr5id" dir="auto" lang="en">Those were some good times
and good one liners.</span></span></p><p><br /></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b> </b></span> <br /></p>MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-65619640299204597602021-05-06T16:33:00.003-07:002021-05-06T16:33:47.016-07:00Dealing with the Circles of Grief<p> I wrote recently in an online forum answering the question, “how well did/do I deal with grief?”</p><p><br /></p><p>I am sharing in case what i did can help anyone else.</p><p>______</p><p>Three years ago, I would have said not well at all. </p><p><br /></p><p>I can recall the day and the days after when we had to put my dog to sleep and I was 15. It’s 32 years later and I can still recall those emotions and what I felt that day. </p><p><br /></p><p>But almost 4 years (in September) after losing my Dad, I am doing what I never thought possible: surviving and thriving. I was so devastated at first, I did not know how or want to go on. Some of what’s worked for me, in no particular order:</p><p><br /></p><p>1. A lot of tears</p><p>2. Therapy and Grief Support Group/Groups</p><p>3. Talking...A LOT</p><p>3a. I had friends who offered to be my emergency friends...meaning...I needed to talk or cry and I could call or text them at any hour. I had a couple at work, and a few outside of work...I remember calling some just hysterically bawling I was so upset at times.</p><p>4. Keeping your loved one present. I flip verb tenses, although now mostly I feel I speak in past tense...but I interject or comment “Dad would like...” or “Dad did this” or “This one time, Dad said”... Some of his stories have become my own.</p><p>5. SELF CARE!! Took me a while to be comfortable with this one, but now I see it as vital. I am a natural caregiver and Empath and I tend to put others first. Sometimes I wear a shirt of his for extra moral support, or I use the Dad tshirt blanket as a hug when needed.</p><p>6. Feel the feels...the only way through to the other side, is to grieve. </p><p>7. Go for a walk. Find some kind of out. It’s ok to step away from your grief for a bit and escape. Go to or watch a movie. Travel. Write. Listen to music. I find watching or listening to something I already know is like comfort food for my brain. </p><p>8. Keep old traditions as a way to keep them present but establish new ones too. Just because you move forward doesn’t mean you are leaving them behind. We have Chinese food on Christmas (old tradition) but we now also have Italian on Christmas Eve (new tradition)</p><p>9. It’s ok to write them, FB them, communicate the way you did when they were here. I still FB (post) on his wall with something funny or to catch him up or just talk. I bring lunch to the cemetery and talk there. We have lunch as we did when he was here on Earth. Find a way to modify your routines and incorporate him or her. Over time, you may become less reliant on them...</p><p>And lastly....Reach out. I still struggle with this somewhat, but I have people I reach out to when I need. Grief is very isolating, and makes you feel very alone in your feelings, like no one can possibly feel what you are. Although our relationships with our loved ones are unique, fellow grievers know what it’s like. We have either been there, are there, or will be there again. We get it. No matter if it’s your wife or husband, parent, child or pet...Grief is different, but it is also similar.</p><p><br /></p><p>Being “OK” is up to you...and it comes when you are ready. That’s how it happened for me. Am I completely over it? Do I not grieve or miss him or get angry? No...I still have those “episodes” or waves of grief, but they are less frequent snd generally less intense than they used to be. I am not over the loss, but I have figured out how to manage around it. I picture it like two circles...one circle inside the other. At the beginning the smaller circle took up all the space of the larger one. Now, mostly, the smaller circle has reduced in size. That small circle is grief, and the space between it and the outer circle is managing to live among your grief.</p>MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-16100808089654925592021-04-25T13:53:00.000-07:002021-04-25T13:53:02.338-07:00Hugs Help<p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">I’m not surprised, but you can only avoid the feelings/emotions for so long. As we have done for many years and as I posted last night, we participated in a cancer event to honor and remember. I had these emotional barriers I put up, or so I thought. We saw many friends (Relay Family) we hadn’t seen in quite some time. Even 3.5 years later my brain still plays tricks on me and I had to catch myself before I almost said, let’s take a picture. He’ll love to know I ran into you! Oops.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"> </span></p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">A friend gave us something Dad had written in his own handwriting. That too, didn’t affect me at the time. I was and am proud of myself. There was a time seeing that would have brought immediate tears. </span><br style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Once we got home, my brain started to process the evening. I miss him, and miss not being able to share my current life with him. I have come so far in these past 3.5 years. We hadn’t seen some of these friends since the last in person Relay in 2019. It was also a stark reminder how different life is now compared to how it used to be. Not only did I get triggered for his loss, I got triggered by how much Covid has changed everything for me, for us all. </span><br style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">We did stuff to honor him and spent the day really the way we enjoyed and how he would have liked to spend too...but the changes that caused the event to be different this year due to Covid....I think seeing some familiar faces, as nice as it was, was a reminder I didn’t really expect to affect me so strongly. </span><br style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">It made me miss what was.</span><br style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">This AM, I went for my 2nd vaccination and I missed him more. We bonded over many early morning medical appointments or procedures. I could have seen going with me as a caregiver, just as I was for him.</span><br style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">The first Covid vaccine was more anxiety filled for me. After even my relatively (my definition) mild case of Covid, I had anxiety over the vaccine making me feel like i did when I was sick. I never want to feel that way again or struggle to breathe.</span><br style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">The second one this AM was more emotional. Dad not here. Life completely changed over the past year. Last night made me realize how helpful a hug is, how it is something to be cherished and how much it helps.</span><br style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Even after we returned home, Mom and I hugged before I went to bed. Since last March, we have generally done elbow or fist bumps to say goodnight. It was nice.</span><br style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /><br style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Hugs rock. ❤️💜</span><br style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" />MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-16457102314501367652021-02-18T07:36:00.001-08:002021-02-18T07:36:13.212-08:00Part 2 - Don't Sweat the Small Stuff<p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Part 2</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Don't Sweat the Small Stuff</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Last year was full of chaos and upheaval for me. One day I would feel somewhat happy and peace. The next day I’m in tears, angry, stressed, and breaking down. Changes at work were a large part of that and trying to learn and find my place, but so was Covid and all those changes as well. Towards the end of the year, I was in a meltdown...I was so tired of things changing and my inability to control what was out of my control. I generally don't set resolutions anymore - but I decided my focus for 2021 was to try and let things go more, remember that everything is temporary, and also that my track record for surviving bad days and rough times is 100% thus far. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I read once that life is a series of reboots, and I'm in the middle of one. Something occurred that caused me to take a step back and re-evaluate. So far, I've been successful for the most part - I have gotten pickier on what I allow myself to stress over. Selective Stress Management, you could call it.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">My personal care has gotten really good. I am doing a lot of things to take care of myself, which makes me excited. This does not come easy for me – my nature is to take care of everyone else first. I bought coloring books and colored pencils off Amazon this AM (my retail therapist). I'm looking for other craft type stuff to occupy my brain. I try to walk a couple miles each morning when possible, and more on the weekends. I take a drive/roadtrip to somewhere nearby. I enjoy simple pleasures like my cup of tea while watching tv.. I am binging old comfortable TV shows that I have watched before as comfort food. I've written (blogged) on more of this journey, although I am not ready to share that just yet. This is where my mindset is these days. I am working hard not to stress where I don't need to. All this other stuff I used to worry about and obsess over really isn’t worth my health and peace of mind. You have to focus on what is really important. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I am a different person and in a different place in life than I used to be. The years of grief have moved me to a totally different place, and now as a result of my recent reboot…There is (mostly) a resulting calm I have not experienced before. I have no room for toxic individuals and their drama in my life, and I’ve done my best to reduce that. You could say that is part of my self care, too. I’m in the healthiest mental place I’ve ever been. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">We learn from our challenges, if we choose to. I’ve been on a path and journey for quite some time, leading me to this exact point in my life. I embraced that there is a purpose to what happened. This has altered my entire concept and perspective of life and what is now important to me. What is worth stressing and obsessing over, and what is not. The most negative things of life, can and have been the things that have helped encouraged me to grow the most. I really needed this recent reset masked as a challenge. It has helped me in so many ways.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">We can be survivors, grow stronger from our challenges and even oddly look back at the challenge, even while still in the middle of it, with a grateful feeling that it happened at all. Because of the good that has come from it.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I finally see what Dad tried to tell me and impart for years. It finally clicked. As I once read, when the teacher is ready, the lesson appears.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Dad's advice:</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“Don’t worry about the small shit, and it’s all small shit”</span></p>MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-65211810023247065472021-02-18T07:35:00.000-08:002021-02-18T07:35:05.949-08:00Part 1 - Another Apple Upset the Cart<p><span style="font-family: verdana;"> Part 1</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Another Apple Upset the Cart</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">(Written in December 2020. I never did post it, but now I know why. I’ve been writing recently, and this will eventually be a series of 3 blog posts...Part 2 coming soon)</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">___</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I am in what feels like a vicious cycle of back and forth, anger and acceptance, peace and war..within my head. It has been ongoing for a couple of weeks and my overly analytical side tries to figure out the cause, but I think the truth is, there is not one cause, there are multiple.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">1..I'm in the leadup to both my birthday and Christmas, and in the middle of Chanukah. Historically, the lead up to most holidays and birthdays etc is rougher for me than the actual day itself.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">2.Years ago, someone gave me this quote which I think is what is happening now:</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">“When something big happens that you have no control over, your instinct is to try and control everything. When that doesn't work, you focus on things you can't control and can't let go of”</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">First, I focused on someone that discredited me - So much anger toward a comment. I can't even remember what this person said other than it infuriated me and I stewed over it for more than a week. Someone else asked me what they said; I couldn’t even tell them anymore. Crazy, right? I know I need to let it go.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Then, I made peace with that after talking to another friend who gave me another piece of sage advice:</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">"We have some good sides to life but our universes are not what they used to be and we just aren't that happy about it"</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">3..I got all my holiday shopping done early, and planner that I am - I even had every night planned out...But sometime after Chanukah started, I lost all my motivation. I don't care. I think I am hurting so bad emotionally - I don't want any joy right now. I don't want to bake. I don't want my birthday. Although, I do want Chinese food on Christmas. LOL.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">4..Mom seems to be pretty happy like she is not depressed at all, and is seeing her retail therapist quite a bit. This stresses me because I see her savings as part of my safety cushion if we run into any financial trouble (ie: I get laid off). When she starts spending more than I think she should, I panic. There goes the savings, I think. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">All it takes is one apple to upset the proverbial cart. As I wrote above, I made peace with something bothering me. Yesterday, after we got the mail, Mom said something about donating to a couple of charities that sent her donation requests and I blew up and said why don't you just donate to everyone that sends you something? She laughed and thought I was joking - No smiles here. It was a stupid thing to blow up at, especially now reading this a month later. I think I just had had it.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">5..My normal methods of dealing with stress and anxiety are really not available to me right now. I am choosing not to travel to stay safe. Although we did when they first opened, we have not gone to the movies at all recently - again, to stay safe. I try to go away for my birthday - someplace special or to celebrate life..But this year, so much has changed and continues to. Even my secondary plans to go back to California to the beach or to Las Vegas are not viable options. Nowhere is safe. I am COVID burned out as I recently said to someone. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">6..Since we couldn't travel, I came up with some tentative things for the weekend of my birthday (which starts tomorrow)</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Two things irritated me here:</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">a. When I said I wanted to go to Sedona, my Mother said "why? There is nothing there." to which I replied, its my birthday and I get to say what we do.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">b..Her hair appointment was originally scheduled for today, Wednesday. Her hair dresser asked her to move the appointment to Thursday - my birthday. As crappy as I felt, I kind of want to forgot doing anything fun on my birthday, but I was flabbergasted she even considered moving her appt to my birthday. I told her I guessed it was OK. I had a passive-aggressive moment. “I don't matter,” is what my anxiety and depression said to me in that moment. Her needs are more important than mine" is what I heard, even though I know...anxiety and depression lie to you to stoke the fire of your pain.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I didn't give either of us Chanukah gifts last night and I stewed and then went to bed. I was so angry and upset..as I have been off and on the past couple of weeks. (again, back in December...)</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I am angry and sad that:</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I cannot really travel the way I would like to.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I cannot spend my birthday or Christmas the way I would like to, and traditions and life are constantly being modified.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">My Dad is not here to help deal with things when it gets difficult like this. My Dad is not here period because when I get this like it all circles back to grief.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I have control issues that i really need to let go of, because in the end, my Mother’s money is hers to choose what to do with. As much I sound and feel like a control freak at comes, it comes out of a need to plan for and forecast the future, which isn’t always possible.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I can't let go and stop focusing on what I really need to stop focusing on, and start focusing on the positives and what I should be.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">2020 has taken its toll.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I realize I have a choice on how I act and react. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">I need to change how I am reacting.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">In one of the same conversations recently with a friend, she brought up this quote or idea by Joyce Meyer:</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">The 5 Minute Rule</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Only for that 5 minutes give that event.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">In 5 hours, 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 years..you wont remember and it wont matter.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">This is so true, but it is so hard for me to do right now.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Do I really want to remember this birthday as the one I gave in sulked and made it bad for others?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">What if it is my last birthday or my Mother's last one?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">Do I really want to give into 2020 and all the shit this year has been.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">It is really time to recognize how far I've come with all we’ve dealt with this year.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">It is time to make applesauce out of those apples and lemonade out of those lemons.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” --Brian Tracy</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">We can't have things as they were or used to be. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">But we can make the most of what we have while we have it.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: verdana;">The trick is how to get my mind to stop going there and just accept life as it is.</span></p>MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-28081129936448489682021-02-15T11:01:00.000-08:002021-02-15T11:01:22.860-08:00Part 3 - "The Gift"<p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Sometimes, it can be hard to think of a life changing
circumstance as a "gift"…</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">But if you can learn from it and improve as a person - then
it has served its purpose.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">It is time to share my experience to help others. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">I had my reasons and hid this, but no longer. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">I has made me who I am.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">I am a Covid survivor.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">What I have written is what it is like to live with and
after, Covid.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: small;">On December 24, I had this incredible back pain. I thought I
was about to pass a kidney stone. I could not find a comfortable position no
matter how I sat or reclined. Advil took the edge off, but never took the pain
away. Christmas Day it got worse. For the first time since I can remember, we
did not have our traditional Chinese Food on Christmas. I felt too horrible to
attempt to drive anywhere, and we attempted to get delivery instead but many
others had our idea and our normal place was overloaded and shut down to new
orders. It was the beginning of just letting things go and accepting things
were happening (or not happening) as they were meant or needed to.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">In the following days, this pain got some better, then worse
again. I didn’t have a fever, and only a slight cough which then disappeared. 5
days after the pain started, I decided I should rule out Covid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tested and expected to be negative and then
my plan was to go back to the urologist for his advice. I was shocked beyond
belief, devastated really, to get a positive result via email the next morning
around 430a. I had heard "muscle aches" as a covid symptom but never
"it will feel like you have a kidney stone". After talking to others
and comparing experiences, Covid appears to prey on your weak points. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">We had been isolating since Christmas Day anyhow, but after
I tested, we both completely isolated. Groceries got delivered instead of us
picking them up. I felt significantly better around Days 7 and 8 and then
experienced what many called the Week 2 Drop. Although I never developed a
fever, I ended up with what felt like a resulting sinus infection. I felt
awful. Nights were worse for coughing and trying to convince my brain to sleep
sitting up or on my stomach, which was better for my lungs. I constantly
monitored my temperature and my pulse ox. The scary days were the ones I felt
tightness in my chest at times, like I was having an asthma attack, but I got
an emergency inhaler (I was in touch with my primary care dr throughout) and my
pulse ox (again, to this point) never consistently dropped below where it
should be. Thanks to others who posted their experience before me, I had a
guidebook of sorts so I knew what kind of medicine and vitamins to take, and
when to consider needing to go to the hospital.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">We had the pulse ox and most of the medicine and Vitamins
already. Some I ordered after I got sick that I heard about from others as we
compared experiences. Being a planner, I was prepared in case either of us got
it. I found when I coughed up the gunk - I felt much better. When I finally got
an antibiotic around Day 17, I still coughed, but began feeling much better. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Having been terrified about breathing makes everything else
seem just trivial in comparison. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Because it really is.. <span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">This has really changed me and my perspective on life, because I faced
the possibility of staring at struggling to breathe, or even worse, resulting death.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A bad or challenging day is a temporary event.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A bad breathing episode is terrifying and really
does a mental number on you.</span><span style="color: red;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">As I said, I experienced the cough, the nasal stuffiness
(which wasn't new as my allergies had been acting up the past few months), the severe
chest congestion and the severe exhaustion during the 1<sup>st</sup> week when
I just laid on the couch or slept. I was lucky in that my worst days were days
I was already off work. I lost my sense of taste and smell off and on..The
strange part was even when that happened I could still tell the sense (spicy,
salty, sweet, bitter) even if I couldn't actually taste the exact flavor. I
found I was craving spicy foods (like green chile enchiladas) because that was
the easiest for me to taste “something”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">While this seems to really bother some, and while my
breathing episodes were minor and short lived in the long run – I decided as
long as I stayed out of the ER, I could care less about not tasting anything. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">My
perspective is, as long as I am not in the ER on a respirator, I am ahead of
the game. There are so many worse things than just losing your taste and smell.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Priorities.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">When I was
tested, I expected to be negative and I felt blindsided by the result in my
email. I was devastated. But nothing was going to change the fact I was
positive and the only thing I could change was how I was going to react to it.
So I did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Life is what you make of it. I chose to learn from this.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">No matter how near or far Covid has come to affecting each
of us...it has become a life changing set of moments for me, and for many
others who have gone through it.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">It reset my priorities, reset what I spent my time worrying
over. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">It restored a balance I was so desperately seeking at the
end of last year. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">I had so much out of my control that I had kept focusing on.
So much I could not do anything about or change. As I’ve written before, I was in
a meltdown.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">I was stressed about things at work, I was upset because I
couldn’t go away like I typically do most weekends in December. I was upset
that my even multiple backup plans couldn’t happen, as it wasn’t safe to
travel. I was afraid of getting Covid, or of my Mom getting it. I was upset
about some things involving my Mom – again, all stuff I couldn’t control. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">I needed a reboot. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Covid was my reboot. Getting Covid, was one of the best
things to happen to me. It reset my priorities and what I was spending time
worrying and obsessing over. I don’t regret getting it. I feared ending up in
the ER and losing my life due to an inability to breath. Luckily, that has not
been my experience, but it did divide my life with another line in the sand of
before and after, just as my Father's death did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Covid did for me what cancer did for him.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Covid is a series of ups and downs. Mentally and
Emotionally. Physically. For a while, it was taking 2 steps forward and 1 step
back. You have a day you feel you are improving and then you feel bad again.
Frustrating. Around Day 20, I hit the breaking point of what I could deal with
and broke down. It was a stepping stone, though, not a destination. Another
great Covid lesson. Day 21, I picked myself up and continued the positive
mental attitude and remaining hopeful, even as I struggled some more days after
that. The 20 day mark and the month mark were hard mental checkpoints for me.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Around the 2 week mark, After an xray to make sure I didn’t
have pneumonia, I finally got the Doctor to give me an Antibiotic. I called
this Level 2 of feeling better – I felt significantly better within 3 days of
taking it, but then I seemed to plateau – I remained at “Level 2” but still
couldn’t get rid of the remaining cough and went on a steroid about a week or
so after the antibiotic finished, which did the trick. The important thing to
note, and that I realized – you can’t treat Covid, but you can definitely treat
its symptoms.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">I felt the antibiotic took me to Level 2 of feeling better
and the steroid took me to Level 3. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Side effect of the Steroid:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Made me feel I was taking Happy Pills!<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Between adrenaline, happy pills, and my mental frame of
mind..those pills were THE SHIT!<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">I was “High on life, Honey, High on Life” lol<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">That’s how I recognized that little changes can make huge
differences in how you feel.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b><o:p><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;"> </span></o:p></b><b><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">What I became thankful for as a result of Covid:</span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">1..Ordering groceries and dinner via an app on a phone or
website to get delivered. What if this had been 1990 instead of 2020, this
would not have possible. What would we have done…<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">2..You really can't trust that anyone else will do the right
thing. We masked, we washed hands, we sanitized...and although I suspect where
I may have picked it up - I will never know for sure. I leave Covid a much
different person as a result. One example: I was careful before, but now, every
piece of clothing that leaves this house goes into the laundry basket when I
return. No more using jackets or jeans a few times before washing, at least for
now. Technically, my isolation ended 10 days after my 1<sup>st</sup> symptom, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>but I remained isolated for about a month as I
did not feel well enough. Its now 54 days since this started, and I am still not
very comfortable being in close proximity around any person other than my
Mother. The first few times I walked after I started improving, I panicked when
someone got too close to me.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">3..I have been glad throughout my Father never had to deal
with this, but now I am thrilled since I tested positive. I would have been
destroyed even more if I had passed it to him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My Mother has the immune system of a warrior compared to me. We’re not
sure who had it first or if she managed to skip it despite living in such close
quarters - and just had a cold – she did not have any of the typical symptoms I
experienced. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was coughing first and
recovered first from whatever she had – well before I did. What a miracle, regardless.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">4..Despite everything I've endured over the past few month+,
I am still thankful for a relatively minor case. I was able to manage this
without missing work. Working from home fulltime made this possible. I’m glad I
was not going into an office building!<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>5..Resetting my
priorities including finally giving up my beloved Coke Zero. My last one was on
Christmas Eve, and I gave it up as I felt with a possible kidney issue (at the
time) - I did not need any soda in my system. It obviously did not end up being
a kidney stone, but I am much better for it anyhow.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Overall, It was like I got this wash of wisdom and strength
from only a few short hours after my positive result after I got upset. I
picked myself up and decided I couldn’t change the cards I was dealt, only how
I dealt with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I finally was able to
implement a lot of what I wanted to, over the past few months, in what seemed
to be a matter of hours. As I stated above, a covid diagnosis for me did what
cancer did for my Father. He learned, grew and implemented from his diagnosis.
So did I.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">As time went on, as I continued to battle, taking two steps
forward and one step back, I gained even more respect for how he must have felt
to have something foreign in his body attacking him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The month mark of being sick was mentally
tough for me. I was sick of being sick and though at no point did I really say
“Why Me” I did observe some feelings of “I was careful and still this
happened…” Covid does not discriminate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">Anyhow, the month mark was hard. I thought how much more of
this can I take. I was tired of coughing and of feeling chest tightness, which
seemed to occur around the same time each afternoon/evening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I decided my lungs must have been getting
tired of working harder after a certain number of hours. I was tired of being
sick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The coughing made my chest tight.
The chest tightness made me panic and threw me into anxiety attacks, thinking
about needing to go to the hospital. The anxiety made me cough, so I couldn’t
heal. Some nights, I went to bed with that tightness, praying it would be OK in
the morning. It was a vicious cycle.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">When they took Dad off the Chemo, it mentally did a number
on him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He felt he wasn’t doing anything
to “attack the bastard” (his words) and I remember trying to convince him that
his body probably needed a break. I know to him, that didn’t matter and it wasn’t
enough. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">After I finished the antibiotics, the random cough a few
times a day and the chest tightness were the only symptoms that remained. Even
though I had improved significantly from the first two weeks, it felt like I
just couldn’t get out of this vicious cycle of coughing and anxiety. Covid is a
back and forth dance of symptoms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Without an antibiotic (I had finished the course) and with Mucinex not
working at all after 4 weeks, I finally understood and related to what my
Father must have felt back then. That’s where the steroid came in and saved the
day for me. It took the last part of Covid away for me and got me to the point
I now feel healed.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">As I write this, it is now<span style="background-color: white;"> <span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">54 days since my 1st symptoms started</span>. Although
I’m not counting or paying attention to how many days since this started any
longer. I don’t need to, because I have recovered.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: white;">To me, it is currently <span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;">Day 18</span></span> of NO symptoms. Nearly 3 weeks without the
majority of the symptoms. I am through the worst.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No more coughing, no more breathing episodes,
I feel better than I did pre-Covid, for the most part. Some residual exhaustion
at times, and what is called the Covid Brain Fog. I forget that I have
mentioned something in a previous conversation and repeat it as if I never
mentioned it. The scars of covid remain – a new day of exhaustion after plenty
of energy, a new tickle in the throat or just not feeling 100% - the anxiety is
triggered and makes me want to panic after what I’ve been through. In some ways,
just not as frequently, I still experience the Covid back and forth dance. I
refer to it as my fancy Covid anxiety.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">I recently re-tested and ironically – I am thrilled that I
am now positive, but this time for Covid antibodies, which means I am done with
the active virus and my body has what it needs to fight it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I soon
hope to resume donating plasma to other Covid patients who can benefit from it,
too.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">The past month+ changed my perspective on life.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">I finally
see what Dad tried to tell me and impart for years:<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">“Don’t
worry about the small shit, and it’s all small shit”</span><o:p></o:p></span></p>MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-73276065957700672972020-04-26T08:38:00.001-07:002020-04-26T08:38:45.036-07:00What Does Luminaria Mean?<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I am not sure how many years we have been doing Relay now.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We started in New Jersey the year after Dad was diagnosed and recovered from the Lymphoma Cancer. I still have that shirt.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Since my parents moved to AZ in 2008 or 2009, we resumed attending a Relay event, choosing the one in our local town - Chandler.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This year our East Valley Relay event became a virtual one, for the first time ever. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Within the Relay event, The Luminaria Lap is among the most meaningful. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The white luminaria bags that surround the track are lit and ignited with candles inside, causing them to glow.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The Luminaria Lap is where we honor those still fighting cancer and remember those no longer with us.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In honor of our virtual Luminaria cerememony this year, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">What does each letter of Luminaria mean to me?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">L is for Light or Luminarias. </span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We light up the Luminarias to honor and remember our loved ones. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">U is for United. </span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">United, we can win this fight against cancer.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>M is for More Birthdays.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">More celebrating, More fighting back, More remembering. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">More life when we no longer have to hear "you have cancer" or "your Dad/Mom or loved one has cancer"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I is for In It - We are in this fight together.</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We support our loved ones any way we can - taking them to doctors appointments, shopping for them or doing other errands, sitting with them at treatment, and once they are gone, carrying on their legacy and living as they would want us to do. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><b>N is for Never lose Hope.</b></span> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Mitch Albom, one of my favorite authors wrote:</span><br />
"<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Hope, no matter how buried, wants to find the light of day and rises from within us until it does."</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My Father, also, never lost hope.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Many or all of you know, how we loved to talk to help others.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">He ended many of his speeches with "I make hope happen" and he absolutely did.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A is for Alan</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My Dad is the reason we started Relaying, and we reason we carry on his legacy.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Luckily, he is as a structured and organized as I am. I found all of his speeches on his computer. I'm the apple and he's the tree.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I found this among what he wrote:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">"As a cancer survivor I speak publicly about my
experience with cancer, to groups and organizations to raise awareness and
further the mission of the American Cancer Society to save lives,
celebrate lives and lead the world in the fight against cancer"</span></span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><b>R is for Remember.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="color: black;">The Relay slogans tend to change each year</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="color: black;">My favorite of these has been.. "Celebrate, Remember, Fight Back"</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="color: black;">We need to epitomize these - Celebrate when we can, Remember the good times, and those who aren't here, and Fight back to aid the ones still fighting.</span><b> </b></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><b>I is for Insightful.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="color: black;">As stated above, the Luminaria ceremony is among the most meaningful and insightful.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="color: black;">It is the most somber part of the night.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="color: black;">The lights are dimmed, so that the glowing luminarias provide all the light onto the field.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="color: black;">Now that I think about that, its very fitting..Our loved ones are the lights of our lives, and they light up our lives, on this special night and on many others.</span><b> </b></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A is for Advances.</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">With the medical advances being made,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Hopefully one day we will, as Dad used to say, eradicate cancer from our vocabulary.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">S is for Sheri. </span></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Sheri is my cousin.</span></span><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">As we say in our family, We are #TeamSheriSTRONG. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We love you and are with you, Sheri. <3 </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The Luminaria ceremony is all these things to me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">What does it mean to you?</span>MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-91489031842283600882020-03-30T14:17:00.000-07:002020-03-30T14:17:19.070-07:00Writing Challenge Day 7
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Day 7: List 10 Songs You're Loving Right Now</span></b></span></h3>
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">1.. Fix You - Coldplay</span></b></span></h3>
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">2..Don't Worry Baby - Beach Boys</span></b></span></h3>
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">3..You Don't Bring Me Flowers - Neil Diamond and Barbra Streisand</span></b></span></h3>
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">4..Elton John and Kiki Dee - True Love </span></b></span></h3>
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">5..A Chorus Line Soundtrack (Let Me Dance For You, Nothing, One, etc)</span></b></span></h3>
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">6..The Rose - Bette Midler</span></b></span></h3>
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">7..Last Christmas - Emilia Clarke (from the movie "Last Christmas"</span></b></span></h3>
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">8..A Million Dreams - Pink</span></b></span></h3>
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">9..Shallow - Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper</span></b></span></h3>
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">10..Smoke Gets In Your Eyes - The Platters</span></b></span></h3>
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> </span></b></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1bhlLSrUUXfzA1yE79c_6_Gsv_bCycSiHPDgRANJxgOppqni840MtXc_bOhuu4tQEoD07s5HKm2wZ-kiLIq4NnN0khnCeF4f28s6EVTUE1NNbuOPPTjIzGYHlJ23G0_32WqJlJXjVM0Y/s1600/Writing+Challenge.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1102" data-original-width="735" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1bhlLSrUUXfzA1yE79c_6_Gsv_bCycSiHPDgRANJxgOppqni840MtXc_bOhuu4tQEoD07s5HKm2wZ-kiLIq4NnN0khnCeF4f28s6EVTUE1NNbuOPPTjIzGYHlJ23G0_32WqJlJXjVM0Y/s320/Writing+Challenge.jpeg" width="213" /></a></h3>
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> </span></b></span></h3>
MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-85674136104400510302020-03-27T08:16:00.001-07:002020-03-27T08:16:53.554-07:00Writing Challenge Day 6<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Day 6: Six Ways to Win My Heart</span></b></span></h3>
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">1..An incredible sense of humor (and you are probably sarcastic too)</span></span></span></h3>
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">2..The ability to take the shit I give you, but fling it right back in my face.</span></span></span></h3>
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">3..Cookies, Cookie Dough, Potstickers and Wings!</span></span></span></h3>
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">4..Being compassionate, supportive, and loving.</span></span></span></h3>
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">5..Indulging my need to plan and be prepared</span></span></b></span></h3>
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">6..A love of travel but at the same time, a love of spending time at home. (each of these when it is by my choice) </span></span></b></span></h3>
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<br />MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-24206169344367504162020-03-26T17:47:00.001-07:002020-03-26T17:47:25.539-07:00Writing Challenge, Day 5<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Day 5: Five Places You Want to Visit</span></b><div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Writing Challenge, Day 5</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Five Places You Want to Visit</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Corona threw a wrench in my plans, but here goes.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Most of these were planned for this year.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1..Go on the cruise I booked and cancelled.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2..Return to London (and possibly Paris) in November </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">3..Either Sedona or Arches National Park in September for my Dad’s Anniversary weekend</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">4..Niagara Falls</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">5..Disney (California) or Universal (Florida) Trip</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">6...Back to Hawaii</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">7..Grand Canyon</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">8..White Sands </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don’t travel to many exotic places, and I tend to return to places I like, but I have a great time planning and then executing my travel dreams.</span></div>
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MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-28854615293068514822020-03-25T06:06:00.001-07:002020-03-25T06:07:12.394-07:00Writing Challenge Day 4<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Day 4: Write About Someone Who Inspires You</span></b></span></h3>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I write a lot about my Dad, but today I am going to write about my Mom.</span></span></h3>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">My Mom inspires me by how she continues to go on since losing my Dad. Right after he died, she was my inspiration to continue going on, myself. We held each other up in those darkest moments.</span></b></span></h3>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">She inspires me by dealing with her own issues she shows me how to fight back and not give in. There is so much she appears to just let go, I'm kind of envious of that because I take much to heart.</span></b></span></h3>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">She inspires me because we are both highly empathic and compassionate, and with both of us in the same household, we tend to feed off each other - I can sense when something isn't right with her and vice versa. Her bad mood can affect mine, and vice versa. Yet through it all, there is nothing but love.</span></b></span></h3>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">She inspires me with her love of travel and the awesome travel companion that she is and will be again when we can travel. She likes the same things I do. She complains that her feet hurt afterwards, but it still doesnt stop her from clocking 20,000 steps in London each day last November. We've gone whale watching and out to breakfast and to a favorite cupcake place in Orange County/Newport...to Ghirardelli for Ice Cream in San Francisco, to Maui, to London..We both travel as a method of dealing with our grief and learning how to go on..and how to distract ourselves. I started her travelling and now I kinda created my own monster LOL. But I love it!</span></b></span></h3>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">She inspires me because she has a better immune system and seems healthier than I am. She loves sugar just as much as I do, but is able to control it better than I can.</span></b></span></h3>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">She inspires me, because she is still here by my side 3 years later, and 46 years later, after I am sure I put her through some shit over the years.</span></b></span></h3>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span></b></span></h3>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I Love You, Mom. </span></b></span></h3>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> </span></b></span></h3>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> </span></b></span></h3>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></span></h3>
MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-132081065319508942020-03-24T06:11:00.003-07:002020-03-24T06:11:53.712-07:00Writing Challenge Day 3
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<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Day 3: What are your Top 3 pet peeves?</span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1..Drivers who speed up, and try to cut you off, to make a turn in front of you because they are impatient. Their inability to plan does not constitute a crisis on my part.</span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2..I will never be able to resolve this, but I have learned to live with it. My ability to not own other's problems/issues and not be able to fix them medically (ie Make my Mom, Dad, or Cousin better, etc)</span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">3..People who are careless, or who do things to make things harder than it has to be, intentionally. I guess we can call this Arrogant, Obnoxious, and uncaring people for anyone other than themselves.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></b><br />
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MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-23539286050961078522020-03-23T07:54:00.002-07:002020-03-23T07:54:50.334-07:00Writing Challenge Day 2<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Day 2: Write something that someone told you about yourself that you never forgot</span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have been a caregiver for my parents for many years. As an only child, on some level I felt it was my duty to take care of them in their later years, just as they took care of me in my earlier ones. I guess I kind of took it for granted in that I expected it of myself, and I figure that others feel the same..even though I realize not everyone does.</span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Time and time again, as my Dad aged, and I see my response now with with my Mom and what she requires, I did what is needed to keep them healthy, act as chauffeur to doctors appointments and such. When Dad needed to go to Tucson to a Relay Meeting or an event, or whatever, I rearranged my schedule to take him. I didn't see it as an imposition.</span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I also (and still do this) do my best not to involve others. Only Child and a touch of Martyr Syndrome. I don't want anyone else to feel the pressure I do, so I keep it to myself and just absorb whatever is required as a normal part of my day. I don't mind. It provides me extra time with each of them, and both of them generally work around my work schedule for their appointments.</span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Anyhow, that's the backstory. A few years ago, in the mail was a card from one of my Dad's (and my) friend after one such time when I had driven him somewhere. It was a Thank You note, and stated something to the effect of "Thank you for everything you do for your Dad and our group. No one will ever know just how much you do to get him where he needs to be without anyone else knowing how much you went through"</span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It meant so much, in that moment, and even now..probably 5 years later. I kept the note in with my keepsakes and pictures. Caregiving is so rewarding but so hard at times, and the fact that someone else noticed what I did without me realizing it, and took the time to reach out to me, warmed my heart. Still does. </span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It was, and is, one of those little things that is indeed, a big thing.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></b><br />
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MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-12954986888911665322020-03-22T11:01:00.000-07:002020-03-22T11:01:12.587-07:00Writing Challenge Day 1<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Day 1: 10 Things That Make You Really Happy</span></b><br />
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<b>1..Spending Time at Home</b><br />
<b>2..My Family Happy</b><br />
<b>3..Evidence of Personal Growth</b><br />
<b>4..Cookies and Cookie Dough</b><br />
<b>5..Travelling </b><br />
<b>6..Routines and Patterns (I hate change)</b><br />
<b>7..New Clothes</b><br />
<b>8..Walking or Working Out</b><br />
<b>9..My Mom and Cat</b><br />
<b>10..Writing!</b><br />
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<br />MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-10194557322862622052019-12-22T06:16:00.001-08:002019-12-22T06:16:16.561-08:00Aim for Growth, Not for Perfection<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">“Aim for growth, not for perfection”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Recently, a friends Mom passed away. It became a full circle
moment for me. I saw my Father’s funeral a few years ago through another set of
eyes. I was able to place my Dad’s funeral in a more circumspect manner. I
remember being upset -- how could everyone else function almost so normally? Yes,
they were upset, but my life was being turned upside down. I didn’t know how to
live. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But now, seeing a close friend go through the loss of a
parent and able to differentiate but also relate to my own experiences, I see
how everyone did. Others are not consumed by the grief as much as those
directly affected it. I saw myself in this role, I guess you could call it grieving
from a distance for lack of a better word. It still changes your life, but when
it is your parent, it can change every aspect of who you are and how you
identify yourself.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I saw myself in the grieving from a distance role. I understood
why others acted the way they did around the time of my Dad’s death. Not they
acted badly; they didn’t. It was just a catastrophic change to my life when my
Dad died, and less of a change in theirs.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I reference quotes quite a bit..I reference them to guide
me, and to help me through this journey called life. Even the title of this
post is part of one, one that came from a random discussion with a friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was one of those that came up in
conversation, and I wrote down to hold on to, without really knowing why. As I
wrote this post, now a few weeks later, I now know why I held onto it. It was
waiting for the need for this post to enter my head.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Another favorite quote of mine is the advice Jor-El gives to
his son in the original Superman movie, as he protects him and <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>sends him off from Krypton.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Part of which reads:</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">You will make my
strength your own,</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;"></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">And see my life through your
eyes,</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;"></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">As your life will be
seen through mine.</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;"></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">The son becomes the
Father,</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;"></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">And the Father, the Son.</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;"></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I was asked, and then agreed, to give a eulogy for my friend’s
Mom. Initially, I hesitated but I thought on it, slept on it and then agreed. Like
with my Dad, it was the last way for me to say what I wanted to. I had a chance
to express my feelings and show my love. You could also make an argument I was partially
in denial and agreeing to speak was forcing me to face the fact I was going to
lose someone close to me. I felt this was a full circle moment for me…I felt my
Dad’s strength supporting me, as I was supporting someone else. It is one of many
ways the Superman quote above has become a self-fulfilling prophecy.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I practiced my Dad’s eulogy 4 or 5 times before I ever gave
it. I was scared I was going to lose it and I figured if I practiced enough, I
would get numb to my words and be able to make it through. I never made it
through during the practice readings without sobbing. When I finally gave the
eulogy, I somehow made it through. It may have been my Father’s strength starting
to become my own.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This time though, I wrote the eulogy, I practiced it once
and then I pretty much left it alone until the morning of the funeral service
when I changed and added a few things.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Although I still have a smaller fear of public speaking
since my Dad died, it still exists, but yet I had no fear again at giving this
eulogy. I was honored. Throughout the service, throughout the couple of days we
spent with my friend and his brother, I felt nothing but strength. I felt this
need to be strong, It came naturally. I’ve been there before, but I am also an
Empath. You take care of the ones you love, and you worry about yourself later.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">There was an episode of Grey’s Anatomy a few years ago
(another quote) with this one from Meredith Grey:</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><i><span style="background: white none repeat scroll 0% 0%; color: #333333; font-size: 10pt;">Will you be strong
or fall apart?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Its hard to predict.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, don’t worry about it. Enjoy the time you
have before the news comes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, ignorance
is bliss (Meredith Grey, Ellen Pompeo, on “Grey’s Anatomy”)</span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I stayed strong as long as I had to. I took care of everyone
else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">By the time we got on the plane back home, I began to feel
exhausted and attributed it to a long day, including the funeral. I thought I
was just over tired.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The following morning, I slept in (a whopping 7 hours of
sleep), we went out for breakfast and had talked about going to a movie or spending
the afternoon out. I just couldn’t. Now that I didn’t have to be strong, I
began processing everything from the past few days and the emotions began to
surface that I kept at bay. I stayed strong the entire time we were there so
that we could support my friend and his brother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was mentally and emotionally spent and
tired. Instead of our original plans, we went back home, I took care of myself and
I crashed for another 2 hours.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Even so, this is still growth. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">To a point, I fell down, but I did not fall apart.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This is all part of my journey.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I aim for growth, not for perfection.</span></div>
MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-59389919376322419982019-12-01T15:12:00.003-08:002019-12-02T07:38:56.207-08:00Its About the Journey, Not the Destination<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Must be a benefit to getting older and appreciating more "little" things.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Instead of battling the flights as a standby this holiday weekend, and since we were travelling on two of the busiest travel days of the year - the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and Black Sunday after...we drove to our Thanksgiving plans this year.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">While it also gave us the opportunity to stop and pick up an Apple Annie's Apple Pie on our way, it also made for a relaxing travel experience. I did not have to, nor did I, spend our time checking flights, wondering if we would make it, coming up with more back up plans in case anything unexpected happened..It was so nice not to worry, and just spend the time enjoying our time with family..living in the "today".</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Our drive to El Paso was uneventful, and we made good time.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Two years ago, we made the same drive, just a few months after my Dad had died.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Although I wanted to get away from home, and be with family, it was one of the toughest drives I have ever done. I expected to be emotional, but I cried almost the entire 6.5-7 hr drive. I was caught off guard by how every little thing along the way was a trigger for me - the places we stopped at for coffee or a snack every few hours, seeing the trains or the views of the mountains. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This time, however, it is now 2 years later. It is not the first time we have made this drive since then, but it is the first Thanksgiving since that first year. Time has passed. I was able to enjoy the and cherish the drive, and what the drive allowed me to see. With my Mom asleep, I had some time to myself. I was able to process this weekend, and life in general. I thought. I got in my head, which is sometimes dangerous for me. LOL.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A few years ago, when we drove the Road to Hana in Maui,during my research, I kept seeing "it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This weekend, and yesterday in particular, was very similar. I mentally broke up the drive into smaller, more manageable pieces. El Paso to Las Cruces, 1 hour. Las Cruces to Deming, 1 hr. Deming to Lordsburg, 1.5 Hours, and so on. By breaking it up and treating the pieces separately, it didn’t seem as long. Think of the small pieces that make up the pie, not the whole pie. It add me wonder even though I hear and read this often, I don’t implement it more. My anxiety says "everything must be dealt with and fixed right now" before anything else goes wrong.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Breaking up the pieces seems to be the way to do it. I felt like I accomplished more, even though it’s still the same amount of miles. It’s akin to doing something not on your list, but then adding it to your list do you can cross it off, something I am guilty of as well. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Anyhow, back to the drive.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">One of the ways I taunted my Father about his driving was to make fun of his "fakakta" (Yiddish for crazy) driving shortcuts. He was infamous for finding shortcuts that didn’t exist to highways that didn’t intersect (that’s another post LOL)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Driving back home from visiting family, the highway was shut down about an hour ahead of where we were. Since Indiana Jones (Dad) wasn’t in the car with us to whip out his maps from AAA, I used Waze in its Cookie Monster voice, to direct me through my own fakakta route. I am certain he was smirking at me and giving me an "I told you so" loud and clear from Heaven.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I was calm and relaxed even though I was driving on a route I had never been, through towns and roads I have never seen in the 19 years I've been in Arizona. There was not much traffic which makes it easier. Sometimes, you just have to go off the plan and let things roll how they do. Sometimes, I even surprise myself. Without Indiana Jones and his maps, I had Cookie Monster and his Waze to keep me occupied and giggling at his commentary. Like "Accident ahead. C is for Caution! and Cookies!" </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">When we got home, the power had gone out during our time away and I needed to reboot our cable modem. When I flipped it over to reach the power plug, a dime dropped from somewhere. Hi Dad ❤️</span>MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-28543045884247034082019-09-22T09:57:00.003-07:002019-09-22T09:57:44.114-07:00Stepping it Up: The Power of Competition<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I have always performed better with some goal hanging in front of me to to work towards..Generally, a race or 5K. I need something to work for to keep me motivated.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Wasn't it Wile E. Coyote that used to dangle the carrot on a stick in front of the Roadrunner? That's me. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">At work, I am in a 5 week step challenge. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The way it works is, you are on a 5 person team, and you are matched each week against another 5 person team, and the goal is to get more steps than the other team and win the challenge.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My team is composed of 4 of my work friends, and as things progressed, we found our managers had also created a team. We are "slightly" competitive, and I hoped we would get matched against them so that we could kick their butts!</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We even joked with them during the 1st week, before we were even matched up.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We won our first week by a landslide and demolished the other team.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The managers also won their first week.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We are now in Week 2, so on Tuesday mornings your new match up is announced.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I am generally one of the first in at work, so I signed in to look.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We were matched against the management team! Holy Crap!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We are the Navy Broncos and they are the Teal Unicorns. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Immediately, I started a group text with the 5 of us to tell the others.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Because great competitive minds think alike, the leader of the Management team did something similar with their team.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">"Let's kill them"</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">And so the trash talking began.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It was like the Giants playing the Cowboys in my family. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A family divided.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A workplace divided.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The trash talking wasn't limited to just via group text messages, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We trash talk in person at work too.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It made the week a lot of competitive fun.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">There is definitely a power to competition among your own teammates and your opponents. We want to kill those unicorns. Even from before we were matched up, we went in for the kill and they knew it. There is even competition among our own team as two of us keep vying for the top spot (number of steps and keep switching places).</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I was called out for competing with someone on my own team, only to have this person text me and ask how many steps I had one day so she could outstep me. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Whaaaaaat?! I'm not the only competitive one apparently..LOL</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Win at
all costs. Go in for the kill when the opposing team is part of your
own work team. </span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A little friendly competition... </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">--threatening to trip
people</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">--tell them you will hit them with your car as you see them walking outside</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">--wishing them to get muscle injuries</span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">...goes a
long way to motivate. </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Yes, this was from both teams. </span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We are all really good at taunting each other, all in good fun. </span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I seriously stepped up my steps.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My step goal before this challenge was 8000, but I generally would try for 10000 steps daily.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It was a psychological thing.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I feel better getting 10000 with an 8000 goal then I did setting for 10000 and thinking I wouldn't make it. Underpromise and overdeliver at its finest. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'm learning I really am capable of more than what my brain tells me I am capable of doing. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Then the step challenge started and even though my Fitbit was set for 8000 - This thing set a daily goal for each of us for 10000 steps. Well seeing that in writing every day makes me crazy and sets my bar higher. To get less than 10000 is to admit failure, in my competitive mind.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This week, going in for the kill, I stepped up my A Game.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In the mornings before work, I generally walk before it gets too hot, but I increased there too - from 2.5 miles to 4 miles every morning.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I went from an average of around 12000 steps and began shooting for 16,000-20,000 daily.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">One day I got 21,000 by walking another 3 miles after work one afternoon. I definitely crossed the crazy/dedicated line that day. To be honest, I am doing that every day.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">There
were multiple comments made on both teams to the effect of so what if
we kill ourselves trying, at least we will win. So what if we end up in
traction after the week is over, no big deal.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Because I increased my steps so quickly, I developed blisters on my left foot, but I figured out how to get around them. Ignore the blisters and pray you make it to the end of the challenge and can get your steps in without having to stop. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Talk about letting your pain be your rocket fuel!</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I
began pregaming each night since: </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Popping ibuprofen and </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">using an ice pack to reduce
the inflammation</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">so that it returns to a level I can live with by the following morning.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Treatment of Champions!! </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We motivated each other as a team and began walking together on short walks during the workday around the building. Plus, it was added motivation and opportunity to taunt the Unicorns as we did so. As they did to us, too.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Throughout the week, I found there are easy ways to get steps in that I hadn't thought about before this challenge.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I heard one of the managers at the copy machine behind my desk.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Where they couldn't initially see me until they went back to their desk, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I stood up and began walking in squares/circles around my desk until spotted by them. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It was a wonderful passive-aggressive opportunity to taunt them.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I went down the the lunchroom to cook my lunch (microwave) for 4 minutes.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Normally I stand there and play on my phone or chat, but I thought 4 minutes is enough time to do a lap around the building. So I did. I got some more steps in that way, easily. By the time I finished, my lunch was ready. I think I'll keep doing this.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Yesterday, Saturday, I flew out for a daytrip and did not have time to power walk before we left (I was NOT getting up at 2am to go walk 4 miles outside!), so I got creative. We were early to the airport as planned and I had about an hour to kill, so I put on my earbuds and walked around the airport concourses - From Low A's to High As, and then back through A, B, C and D, and then back, which got me what I needed - around 5000 steps. It was a good workout. I got my laps on courtesy of the complimentary American and Southwest Airlines exercise program (The Terminal 4 Almost 5K)</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">While it’s important to know your limits and live within them, there are also times you need to push them in order to fly and surpass them.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'm glad I only have today and tomorrow left of this craziness.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This week's challenge ends Monday night.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My feet will be thankful for some rest after that before they decide to kill themselves. </span></span>MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-66200529888372805282019-08-19T15:02:00.001-07:002019-08-19T15:02:47.592-07:00You Can Run, But You Cannot Hide<div class="rps_f1b2">
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">You can run but you cannot hide.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">One of my friends posted this statement over the weekend:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">“Feeling the need to be busy all the time is a
trauma response and fear-based distraction from what you’d be forced to
acknowledge and feel if you slowed down.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I admitted to her, and to myself really, that was
exactly what I was doing this weekend, what would have been (on
Friday), my parents 49<sup>th</sup> wedding anniversary.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Friday, I took a vacation day. Part mental health
day, but mostly to spend the day with my Mom and keep her company (and
both of us occupied).</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We went out to breakfast, did some shopping, to the movies, to lunch, and then met a friend for dinner and then bowling.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Saturday, we flew to El Paso to spend with my
Aunt and Uncle and so that I could participate in the “Tour De
Tolerance,” on Sunday, an annual event put on by the El Paso Holocaust
Museum.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I have participated every year since 2011.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Last year, the route changed and it went from the
typical 5K route to what I call a desert trail route – It goes through
the desert of New Mexico, away from the road, up and down sand dunes as
if you running along the beach, surrounded
by wilderness. I for one, was hoping not to see any snakes or other
critters.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Since I walk and train on pretty solid and <span class="x_SpellE">
non hilly</span> ground, the race is fun, but is also a challenge for me.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Where I normally set a time goal, for this one, I
knew my limits and I decided to remove the time limit – I had no goal
as far as time.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My goal was just to finish the race under the power of my own legs, and not on a stretcher!</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Half joking, but half serious too.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I took a few breaks along the way, snapped some
pictures of the gorgeous scenery – since I wasn’t going to set any time
records for the race or for myself, the pressure in that regard, was
off.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I waited up for my Aunt and her friend every so often, helped all 3 of us up some pretty big (for us) hills of sand and rock.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">After climbing one of the hills that was particularly steep (there were two of them), we needed all the help we could get.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">“Help me, Moishe”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">“Moses, take the wheel!”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">By the time we saw the sign that stated “OH HELL!
You’ve come this far…you may as well finish!” We all laughed and found our second wind.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9Vgj8M0jvmrJGCL0v4zU7k_8jhyphenhyphen8OLjYMD9FgQ-Y_bothRH78Z7JhYDGTQwN7kKLyPu8WxhSVCiaFMUpUVi6P4veHEQ3PQM-iTPWh64FQEtLJOvgWkwZt1DqSoUbQu8w7cpSWWtmtZFA/s1600/IMG_0591.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9Vgj8M0jvmrJGCL0v4zU7k_8jhyphenhyphen8OLjYMD9FgQ-Y_bothRH78Z7JhYDGTQwN7kKLyPu8WxhSVCiaFMUpUVi6P4veHEQ3PQM-iTPWh64FQEtLJOvgWkwZt1DqSoUbQu8w7cpSWWtmtZFA/s320/IMG_0591.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Ironically, around the same time, playing on my
MP3 was “Heaven Helps the Man” by Kenny Loggins and I thought, oh
yeah…Heaven is definitely helping THIS man!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Part of the lyrics of that song </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">“Heaven helps the man who fight his fear…”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">“Running away will never make me free.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">“I’m shaking the past making my breaks</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Taking control, if that’s what it takes</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The song talks about a man facing a fear and taking control of his life.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I just love it when songs I hear during a race match what I’m feeling or experiencing during those times.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Shortly thereafter, when the trail running part
of the race was complete and I was back on the road, “Hurts So Good” by
John Cougar Mellencamp played.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Oh let’s talk about what “Hurts So Good!” </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My Aunt and I modified the words to the Sound of
Music to “the hills are alive with the sound of pain” and my personal
favorite: “The dunes are alive with the sound of oy
<span class="x_SpellE">gevalt</span>, oy vey es <span class="x_SpellE">mir</span>, OYYY everything!”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I have read how multiple 1s such as 1:11 or 11:11 on the clock, are signs of angels around you.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">As I crossed the finish line, my official recorded time from the race, was 1:11.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In a weird coincidence, I started the MapMyWalk app on my phone late – a couple of minutes after I crossed the start line.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">As I normally do, I got distracted after we crossed the finish
<span class="x_SpellE">lined</span>, and forgot to turn it off.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">By the time I remembered, it too registered 1:11 as my completion time.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2WnDBywY-py1uN-l700MeUXdKvTAzkn-B2-wyqyFkYlCnVWn8kMl5JlLSPL5nb0zgxLBjqgutLYD-SPCbc1hSrfkSL5hduYUiEI4hLcC2tcum2wIj0qPHbUx6KTm92LGcOQzTyOcmI-w/s1600/IMG_5955.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1072" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2WnDBywY-py1uN-l700MeUXdKvTAzkn-B2-wyqyFkYlCnVWn8kMl5JlLSPL5nb0zgxLBjqgutLYD-SPCbc1hSrfkSL5hduYUiEI4hLcC2tcum2wIj0qPHbUx6KTm92LGcOQzTyOcmI-w/s320/IMG_5955.JPG" width="212" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">After the race was over, I no longer had to think about “let’s just survive this” and my mind began wandering.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I unfortunately, had time to think, maybe for the first time all weekend.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I wanted to share the moment, share <i>in the moment</i> with my Dad.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">He would have been so proud, going out of my comfort zone, and completing another race.When he was able, he would sit and wait for me at the finish line, my proudest and biggest supporter, just as my Mom was doing.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I began to think and miss him.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Friday was their anniversary and we stayed so busy all weekend, I did not allow myself time to think.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My goal was to stay <span class="x_SpellE">distracted..to</span> have a great time, which we did, but in a way, I ran away.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I felt this wave of emotion (a grief wave) approaching.
To gain some peace and clear my head, I left the sitting area,
and walked around the school complex we were in...It was a huge
sprawling campus, a complex of separate buildings. I found some peace in
walking alone among the buildings, enjoying the scenery
and the quiet. I felt particularly spiritual, a spiritual presence
even. I heard the sound of the wind move across the school fields. It
was the sound of calm. I communed with nature and I took my time, just
cherishing the experience.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">When we returned home late yesterday, the nonstop flurry of activity of the weekend finally caught up to me.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I was exhausted – not only physically, but mentally.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">For the first time in a while, I noted my Dad’s missing presence at home upon our return.
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I know some of this is in part because we are approaching the 2 year mark next month.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Actually, I noticed it even before we left El Paso.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I did not want to return home, I wanted to stay.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Returning home meant I would have to acknowledge and face reality.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We both would.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The more you run, the more you can’t hide.</span></span></div>
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MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-14737635185207531952019-08-11T06:51:00.001-07:002019-08-11T06:51:31.316-07:00Back to the Past, and Back to the Future<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 107%; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This may be the first piece of fiction I believe I have ever written. All of my my writing, at least what I can remember, comes from my own thoughts, and feelings. My release from writing, comes from writing about my own experiences.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The below piece is homework from a recent therapy appointment. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I
have seen a therapist since my Dad died in September, 2017. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Just as my grief has evolved over the past almost 2 years, so has my
anxiety. I have reached a point in time where by my choice, I was ready
to deal with some of my underlying anxiety that I have never dealt with
before. I addressed and admitted to, for the first time ever, eating my emotions. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I felt my grief change
and this metamorphosis start to take shape a few months ago.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My therapist has given me homework before, but she never followed throug<span class="text_exposed_show">h
to the point of "did you do such and such" .. She always left it up to me whether or not I did what was suggested. In the end, it was I who would either remain where I was stuck or be helped. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I told my therapist, and some others I confided in, I could
pinpoint the beginning of my emotional eating journey, even down to the
exact conversation I had with my Mom. <span class="text_exposed_show">I
explained some breakthroughs I had discovered about when I was in
school, where I could trace the beginning of my emotional
eating to the 4th Grade school year, down to the conversation I had with my Mom.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="text_exposed_show">"I am going to eat now to comfort myself and I will just worry and deal with it later" </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="text_exposed_show">-- I was 10!!</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The homework was to interact with the younger version of myself, the one that began emotional eating and comfort him. She said since she knew I could write, she was looking forward to seeing what I wrote the next time I see her (in a month). It terrified me and made me want to panic. In fact, I told her I was panicking and anxious during that appointment when she gave me this - I did not want to revisit that time nor that anxiety.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: red;"><b>Back to the Past, and Back to the Future</b></span> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I walked up to the front door, and even though I lived there
for many years growing up, I felt like a stranger. I saw the unpainted wood
colored screen door that I once slammed to scare the bejeesus out of my Dad and
I smiled. Some things never change.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I went to knock, and then decided I didn’t need to – I
wasn’t a stranger, I was returning home.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Everything was as I remembered it – my Dad’s desk and his
green office chair directly in front of me.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The faux wood oval shaped dining room table. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The kitchen and the bedrooms, down the hallway to the left.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This young man, perhaps even a boy was there as I walked in,
sitting and eating some cookies.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">He smiled, but I could tell something was bothering him.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It was me.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">“Hi, Jeff,” I said.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">You don’t know me, yet. But you will.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I am here from the future to tell you it will be OK.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Things will be OK.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I know you worry about a lot of things, about your Dad and
his health.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">About school and those bullies.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">About your grades and wanting to do well.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">You are going to survive.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">You will not be the loner, the outsider like you are now.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">You will be respected for the knowledge and empathy and
compassion you share with others.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">You need to care of yourself. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">You don’t see it now, but you are starting to develop the
strength that is going to carry you through your years.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I know you told your Mom you were going to eat your
emotions, and deal with it later, but its OK.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 107%; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Its ok to be upset.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 107%; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Its ok to cry.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Its ok not to be OK.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In the end, it will all be OK.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I promise you, you are going to survive things you don’t
think you are capable of.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">But that inner strength you are developing will carry you
far.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">You see, Jeff, I am you. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">And you are me.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I can’t disown something that is myself, so I am embracing
everything that makes me, me. Including you.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The younger me, got quiet.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">“You’re Me?”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">“Yes”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">“Like Back to the Future?”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">“Yes, Exactly. Remember that part where Doc Brown tells
Marty that he can’t change the past and disrupt the space-time continuum?”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">“Yeah”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">“Well, that’s true. I know you are lonely, and scared, and
those kids at school don’t make you feel welcome. But I don’t want you to
change a thing. You see, because part of what are going through, and will go
through – will make you and me who we are today. We will grow from this. And although you might not get all of this
now – one day, you’re going to be the man that comes to this door and comes in
and has this conversation with a young boy.” </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 107%; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">You’re going to help that young, boy, as I am helping you.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 107%; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">“You’re me?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 107%; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">“Yes” </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">“WOW! Its like the older brother I always dreamed of
wanting!!”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 107%; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">“Yep, you can definitely think of me in that way”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 107%; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">“Will you be back?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 107%; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">“I don’t know for sure, but I can tell you – that whenever
you need me – I will always with be you. Just put your hand over your heart,
and think of what you want or what you are having trouble with..and know I will
hear you and know what you need”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I kneeled down to young Jeff’s level and we hugged, as I
rubbed the back of his head and told him we were both going to be OK. It was
going to be ok to let things go. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>After writing the above, I wrote:</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>I was terrified at the idea of writing this. It took me a few days to
build up the nerve to write. Sundays for me I call Soulful Sundays. I
am pensive. I tend to write, reflect on what I miss more about my Dad.
He died on a Sunday. One Sunday morning, I sat at the computer and the story poured out. </i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i> </i></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>As I
began to write and interact with the younger version of myself, I started to
cry as I felt his pain, his pain was my pain. It was awesome to be able to put
into words my love of time travelling and to see our apartment as it existed
back then, in every detail. Then, it changed along the way as I continued to write. I discovered I
wasn’t writing to him – I was writing to me. I was telling myself its OK to let
things go, and not hold on. What I was scared of, I actually ended up enjoying
– helping the younger of myself. ME Helping ME. </i></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>I enjoyed it so much, I am hoping/planning to write more along these same story lines.</i></span></span> </i></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: small;">I am generally a perfectionist, and I feel my art is painting a picture with words. I write something, and then I go back and add "this" or change "that" to make it "perfect." However, this piece of writing was different..The story itself, I decided (and refused) to make any changes. I left it as is, in its raw and untouched form. It is exactly as I initially wrote it. I had no urge to change anything. It was perfect the way it was written. It made me realize - so am I. </span></i></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i> </i></span></span> MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-49861271268939411522019-08-11T06:50:00.000-07:002019-08-11T06:50:11.076-07:00Carry On, My Wayward Son, For There'll be Peace When You Are Done<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I heard the song "Wayward Son" by Kansas play in the car. As I heard the lyrics, I related to them. I thought, that's me:</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span data-offset-key="aujqi-0-0"><span data-text="true">"Carry on my wayward son<br />For there'll be peace when you are done<br />Lay your weary head to rest<br />Don't you cry no more..." </span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span data-offset-key="7dj0l-0-0"><span data-text="true"> </span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span data-offset-key="7dj0l-0-0"><span data-text="true">My Dad and I both had quite extensive music collections on each of our computers.I found out we were very similar in this way after his death - we both had similarly categorized folders of music categories (Oldies, Soundtracks, Jazz, Rock etc)... When I combined his computer with mine, I moved his music over to mine, but I did not combine the folders. I didn't really touch his folders or look at them much -- I left them intact. </span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span data-offset-key="3el5s-0-0"><span data-text="true">Today, in an an effort to connect with him, to distract myself from thinking too much, and maybe because I am just at that point in my grief and ready (he's been gone almost two years) - I integrated his music and mine. I listened to some. I deleted some songs that I had no interest in. I felt bad as I copied or deleted the first few files, like shouldn't I keep his stuff intact so I can listen to just his music. But then I changed my mind. He won't be here to listen to it or yell at me for touching his stuff (something I was infamous for and got yelled at many times over the years, especially when I was younger).</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span data-offset-key="ovqt-0-0"><span data-text="true">I changed my mind and the fear dissipated. As I combined his music with mine, I thought, it's a metaphor for how we go on with life after their death. We fight it at first, we want to go back to how things were and leave things the way they are. We want to, but can't. But we realize the best way to carry on their legacy, is that we, their children, are the best part of their legacy. We carry part of them forward with us. Just because there are no longer separate folders of Dad's music vs My Music on the computer doesn't mean his music isn't there. It is. His music is intertwined with mine, and mine with his. Amazingly, i found peace. You find a way to live among, and besides the grief. You find the motivation to combine song files and make them one.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span data-offset-key="2pl7q-0-0"><span data-text="true">Our favorite quote from the original (1978) Superman movie was the quote Jor-El said to his son Kal-El as he said goodbye to him and saved him from devastation on Krypton. We both routinely lived the last line as he aged and suffered from the effects of the cancer. We related to it so much I made it part of the eulogy I gave.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span data-offset-key="2c5ni-0-0"><span data-text="true">"But we will never leave you... even in the face of our deaths... the richness of our lives shall be yours. All that I have, all that I've learned, everything I feel... all this, and more I... I bequeath you, my son. You will carry me inside you... all the days of your life. You will make my strength your own, and see my life through your own eyes, as your life will be seen through mine. The son becomes the father, and the father, the son.”</span></span></span></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span data-offset-key="aujqi-0-0"><span data-text="true">By working on and working with his music on my computer and combining his music and mine, I have done exactly that. I have always, but I carry my Dad within me. His memory, his strength, and now I carry his music within mine. <3 </span></span></span></span></div>
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MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-892603962596894810.post-90314375091645708752019-08-01T15:17:00.000-07:002019-08-01T15:17:06.895-07:00The Circle of Life<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I've now seen the somewhat live action remake of “The Lion King” twice.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Overall, I was happy with it. It did good. There were a few points where I felt the original had the upper hand, but it’s hard to match, or even surpass, an original.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A few hours later after seeing it, My brain and emotions were just starting to process what I saw and felt. Obviously, I knew the story going into seeing it, so it was not a surprise. I knew what to expect.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I’ve had this idea bouncing around in my head called “The Lone Tear.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">When you are missing someone who has died, there is this thing I call “The Lone Tear.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">You never know when it will hit.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A random song on the radio, or even a movie you see.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The lone tear can return, and usually does, without warning or any notice.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The Lion King is a lone tear moment.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The circle of life shown visually in the movie, is indeed, representative of the true circle of life we live and experience.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In Ecclesiastes, it is written, For everything there is a season:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD4WytefsvoyPhu0fGtxgIIq0gotF6-9G_Dv_0zgzL6Z4cezXBpQixlz03PHa4ims8nr4TCSoyRtESGIYwxRgb23lhy7MitBPaiW7vjhTTpWWTz-Vqy9zuQHr2vF-DD8YjNQhfOvI6FxA/s1600/D44049C0-CECF-4B49-8716-DA2CEECF25E2.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD4WytefsvoyPhu0fGtxgIIq0gotF6-9G_Dv_0zgzL6Z4cezXBpQixlz03PHa4ims8nr4TCSoyRtESGIYwxRgb23lhy7MitBPaiW7vjhTTpWWTz-Vqy9zuQHr2vF-DD8YjNQhfOvI6FxA/s320/D44049C0-CECF-4B49-8716-DA2CEECF25E2.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The Lion King, like many of my favorite movies, is full of symbolism.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Scar is symbolic for the struggles and challenges in your life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Scar is cancer, dementia, or Alzheimer’s disease.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Scar is when you lose your job or a relationship ends.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Scar is when someone you love dies.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">In the movie, Scar is jealous of his brother Mufasa, and schemes to hurt Mufasa, and his son, Simba, any way he can. He feels entitled and that something stolen from him. In reality, he is the one stealing things from everyone else. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">In my world, Scar is cancer and the fear of losing others in my life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">He tries to steal the joy that Mufasa and Simba share as Father and Son.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">He tries to disrupt the lives of those who remain after Mufasa dies:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Simba, Simba’s Mother, and the rest of the Pride. You could actually make an argument that all of the Pridelands and the animals therein, were affected by Scar and his Actions.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">As in life. The repercussions are largely impactful well beyond just the wife and son of the deceased when someone dies. Simba loses his way. So did I. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Mufasa's advice to his son is:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Look inside yourself, you are more than what you have become.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Remember who you are.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You are my son.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I
have read and have stated, “The only known cure for grief...is to
GRIEVE.” By working on myself, By grieving, by grabbing and enjoying
those little moments that aren’t so little, and by cherishing and
enjoying the opportunities and moments life offers me, by living through
the bad days instead of fighting them as I usually do..by being me is
the best way to honor him.</span> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Rafiki reminds him that his father lives on IN him.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Simba hears his Dad provide some needed advice, and remembers who he is. He reclaims his place in the Circle of Life and states that He is Simba, Son of Mufasa. I am Jeffrey, Son of Alan and Marion. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">But, I am so much more.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Like Simba, I am the best living testament to my Dad and Mom, and how they raised me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Mufasa lives on through Simba.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">My Dad lives on through and in me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">When Simba takes his place on Pride Rock, he hears his father say "Remember!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Today, I took my symbolic place on Pride Rock by giving up my Dad's shirts today so that they can be made into a blanket I will soon be able to use, a blanket made full of memories..and love. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">On the days I am struggling, I try to remember and hear my Dad in his own voice, in my head, telling me:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>"Don’t worry about the small shit, and it’s all small shit. There is nothing more you could have done. It was my time, Whizzo. I love you and am with you" </i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I take my own place in life by enjoying life. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Not only because my Dad would want me to.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Not only because I should.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Because I want to survive and thrive.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I ran across this quote recently in a grief group, and it's appropriate to close with here:</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">"Your parents defined you in so many ways and when faced with decisions their advice and wisdom will wash over you to the point that you can actually relive a memory and hear them helping you to grow into the adult you are now"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Thanks, Dad.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I didn't think I was ready when you left, and I still don't think I would ever would have been, no matter how much time I had.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">But you gave me everything I needed to be successful - I just didn't know or realize it.</span><br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">We must remember who we are.</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> </span>MrNacho97http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939888980565093963noreply@blogger.com2