We are Our Stories: Family Vacations and Fun Times

 Vacations were an integral part of my experience growing up, and I'm sure, led to my love of travel and and my love to also return to favorite places. We would vacation somewhere, and then return there to a place liked. One of those: Ocean City, MD - I think we made about 3 or 4 trips there over a few years.

Rehoboth, DE with its outlet mall was also a favored spot during these trips. But in Ocean City, we spent the day at the pool or the ocean, and found some favorite dining spots. There were the to die for omelettes at the Bayside skillet, the ribs at JR's (I think it may have been the first time I ever had ribs), the ice cream sundaes at Dumser's Drive In (a cross between a Dennys and a Sonic). I remember they were open late and we went out for ice cream one night at 11pm! Once again, Dad had heard of a place (many years before the Food Network was a thing!) serving an open faced (roast) pit beef sandwich so we walked up and down the Ocean City Boardwalk looking for it. We finally did find it - Happy Dad, Happy Family that time. Right next store, was a french fry placed called "Thrashers" and after that Mom and I would say "we feel like Thrashers" while we were during the week or whatnot... Uncharacteristically, Dad blew up and boomed "they are not THRASHERs, They are French Fries!" -- I'm not sure exactly what set him off about it, but it was one of those stories that lived on for decades and decades.

One of those trips, they wanted a dinner alone, so I got to choose the restaurant they picked up my dinner from and I sat on the balcony of our room at the hotel, overlooking the pool and ocean, and had my dinner. It was heaven!! Early introverting at its best!

We took other trips and it seemed like they sometimes tied in to stuff I was learning in school or in movies we saw - Historical based trips to Williamsburg, Virginia; Plymouth and Boston, Massachusetts. Philadelphia was only a short drive away that we made a few times a year to get a cheesesteak, or see Independence Hall and the Franklin Science Center. We did a New England trip one summer or fall after seeing "Mystic Pizza" and spent some time in Connecticut, Rhode Island, and Massachusetts - I believe we went to the New England Aquarium and then of course, Mystic Pizza! where I took a picture next to Julia Roberts' picture!

Indiana (Dad) Zaben, ever the planner like his son turned out to be - would visit AAA and get not only the maps but the triptiks to plan out how we would drive there, where we might stop and get gas, etc - I tease him over this but remember this was before GPS, before Google and the internet - I have to give him the fact we needed that to not be completely lost. In Boston, I remember going to Cheers! as the show was popular then, and in Plymouth seeing Plymouth Rock and being fascinated that colonists on the Mayflower had stepped on this very spot where I was. It was also the first time we went whale watching, which became a life long passion for me. I still love to do that and see whales and dolphins...bucket list item for me is to see a whale tailfin upclose so that I can get a picture of it and witness a breech!

We had an amusement park near us, Great Adventure, but one summer we ended up in Hershey, PA. Hershey Park, Chocolate shopping - OMG - I was in HEAVEN! Hershey Park was especially notable because I talked Mom into going on this ride with me - similar to the pirate ship - just went up and around - did not flip over or anything. I was having a blast, and said to Mom on the ride - "Isn't this fun?!" - She looked funny and had her head in her lap. We got off the ride and she could barely walk. It had terrified her. That may have been the last ride she ever went on with me except for a car.

There were trips to Pennsylvania - My parents passed their love of the Amish, the Amish Country and just Pennsylvania in general on to me. My eternal 12 year old sense of humor loved some of the town names - LiTITz, Intercourse, Mount Joy. What was going on in Pennsylvania? lol

There were also multiple trips to see family, some of which I made on my own. 

One of the first times I ever got an airplane was to visit Aunt Eileen, Uncle Rick and my Grandparents (Dad's parents) in El Paso. I was only about 7 or so, but I have a couple strong memories from then - building a fort in the backyard with my cousins, and then my Aunt telling us we had to take a bath when we came inside because we were so filthy from outside. She doesn't do shmutz and she certainly did not do it then! :) Also, riding in the back of their station wagon, with my Aunt, and tickling her toes (and probably she tickled mine too)....My Aunt was a Kindergarten teacher, and she she took me to her class one day which I thought was just really cool and fun to go with her. (I also loved going with my Dad to work and using the Xerox machine. I guess I was a Judy Bernly in training, I just didn't know it)

The summer Dad was eventually diagnosed with cancer, my parents sent me to Texas to my Grandparents/Aunt and Uncle/and cousins. In hindsight, I think they did that to protect me and give me some happy memories during a challenging time. A skill I didn't realize at the time, but I am so thankful to them for, and I am thankful to now be able to implement on my own as a coping and survival tactic. At the time, we didn't know it was cancer - that would be diagnosed just over a month after I got back home. But that summer and the next, I spent in El Paso making wonderful memories with family. It was during that time, I was about 14, I decided that somehow, somewhere, I was going to move out to the Desert Southwest.

My Aunt was a kindergarten teacher as I said, and I remember coloring these snoopy things she made for her class. It helped her out, but in hindsight as an adult, what a great way to relieve anxiety too. Well one night, I think we ran out of Snoopys to color, so we went to Kinkos around 11pm to make some copies. This particular Kinkos, the machines were named to identify them. "Muffy" "Buffy" "Tuffy" etc which I thought was not only cute, but hysterical. As luck would have it, the machine my Aunt was using broke. She broke Tuffy! or was it Muffy!  Oh such fun times and memories <3

El Paso is a border city and walking over to Juarez, Mexico was an OK thing to do then. So we did - went shopping, etc.. I remember crossing back over to the US, US Border Patrol asked if we were all US citizens, and my Aunt replied "Except my nephew, he's from NEW JERSEY!!" I wanted to curl up in a ball, but the officer laughed and let us through - after we paid the 25c fee of course!

We went to Santa Fe and White Sands, NM during that first summer, and visited the City of Rocks during the 2nd summer, 1989..when my parents surprised all of us and spent a couple weeks after Dad was well enough to travel. It was quite funny at the time, because I had called them a few days earlier asking to send more money because I found this store called "Mervyns" and I wanted to do my back to school shopping there. Dad said they would "think about it" which I had heard plenty of by this time and I knew that was really a "No." But, neither of my parents spilled the beans, and within a few days, they pulled off their surprise:

I was at Aunt Eileen's with the rest of the family, and my Grandparents were a few miles away at their house. They relied on my Aunt for transportation, so when they knocked on the door and my Aunt answered - her first question was how did you get over here, and they said they had walked. My Aunt didn't believe them and got suspicious and peeked her head out the door. "Allie, is that you?" I heard her say...the next thing I knew, she was waddling down the street shrieking "if that's my brother, I'm gonna drop dead!" Such a fun memory!! My parents were parked in a rental car, just down the block.

Dad's cancer was of course, a life changing thing for him and for us. We travelled a bit more after, even though it was probably hard and tiring on him. He was determined because life was short. We returned to El Paso for at least one Thanksgiving in the next few years, and in December 1988 for my Grandfather's 80th Birthday party. What I remember from that was not how he looked because of the chemo, but how he still tried to make everyone laugh and keep things light, despite whatever he was feeling. He dressed up in a nightgown and a shower cap one night and threw himself (flirted) with my uncle. It worked - everyone laughed. One night, we used my Uncle's telescope to see the stars, it was cold out and my Aunt made hot chocolate. Sometimes those simple kind of memories are the best ones. Inside joke, my Aunt will know what I mean, when I say, I think the first time I got the thumbs was during this visit! And if it wasnt the first, it was certainly the most memorable for me.

There were trips to Baltimore, also to visit family and the Inner Harbor.

We went to Disney World and Universal Studios (Florida) just after I graduated high school as a Graduation present.

While Dad introduced me to his love of music, it was Mom who introduced me to the arts. I love a good theatre show or musical, thanks to her. We saw Rosie O'Donnell play Rizzo in Grease where I think I got her signature and probably shook her hand. We saw Bette Midler (I think at Radio City Music Hall) and Barbara Joan Streisand at Madison Square Garden. My first concert ever was either Kris Kristofferson (country music singer at the time) with Nicolette Larson at a NJ State Fair or the Beach Boys performing at a local amusement park one night. We've seen Air Supply a few times too. In 2022, we have tickets to see "Come From Away" that was cancelled last year due to Covid. We've seen 'A Chorus Line' performed live which was also a bucket list item for me.

Seeing the Rockettes and walking around NYC during the Holidays and seeing the Holiday windows was such a special treat for me, and in writing this, is why when Mom and I  did similar in London in 2018 - it nourished my soul on a level I I can't really put into words. But it gives me absolute, pure joy, and I/we will make another trip to London when it is safe to go during that time.

After Dad died, Mom and I began travelling again. From my perspective, part to combat the traumatic loss and part to live as if we were dying (to quote Tim McGraw) and taking advantage of the time we have left and as I called it, "making intentional memories." We did a bunch of daytrips - San Francisco, Vegas, Orange County, Monterrey and more. Some of the bigger trips - Maui, London, Burbank (Warner Brothers Studio Tour, Universal Studios and Hollywood), an annual trip back to New Mexico (Albuquerque and Santa Fe).. notable during one Santa Fe trip during the winter was we decided to drive up the mountains to the ski area, only to get stuck in our rental car. Talk about stress!! Thanks to a couple of guys who helped push us out and then we did not stop, we did not pass go, we did not collect $200 - kept going all the way back down the mountain to the non-snow-areas. 

As I wrote this, it is the 4th anniversary of missing Dad. As has been the case, the lead up has been an expected challenge, but today, at the moment at least, I feel a sense of calm and peace. We are preparing to leave in a few hours for another trip of making intentional memories - Newport, Laguna, and the Seal Beach areas of Southern California.

We make more "intentional memories" on every single trip, and there are more to come.