The Good Days and the Bad Days

I wrote this while struggling over the weekend, and decided to leave it intact, without editing.
Writing it out instead of keeping it in my brain, was helpful.

On the Bad Days:

You just can’t see a way out of your pain.
You wonder if it will ever get better, even though you know and have seen it get better before.
You don’t want to see anything or be seen.
Eating a meal is a necessity, a chore.
You hate your life and what life has dealt you.
If you are suffering from something medically, you don’t give a fuck if it gets better.
Nothing matters.
You are alone, you are inconsolable, and nothing anyone can say will make it better.
The only thing to make it better is to make things how they were.
Crying helps, and yet it doesn’t.
It is what it is.
Fuck this, Fuck that, Fuck it all, Fuck Everything.
The Ugly, Scrunching Up Your Face kind of cry.
Stop Changing everything!
Distractions are good.
Reliving the past, is not necessarily good.
Memories you hold close are all you have left, and can make you cry.
So can any song about loss, or that evokes emotion or a memory.

The Good Days:
You have acceptance that it is what is, and that you were put on this path for a reason.
You will change as a result, but you will become who you were meant to be all along.
You can find the collateral beauty.
You find a way to move forward to a different future.
You realize you need to fight against isolating on your Bad Days.
Because it doesn’t really help, it just makes you feel worse.
You can get chances or opportunities the past didn’t allow you.
You relax and give up control that you really aren’t in control.
Things DO get better, one minute, one hour, one day at a time.
Memories you  hold close can warm your heart and make you laugh.