Insight Into Another World

So for the past week or so, I feel like I am getting some major insight into what my Dad, as well as others struggling with cancer or other illnesses deal with.

Last Saturday, my Mom and I took a day trip to Las Vegas.

My feet were hurting – but we went. We didn’t want to disappoint my best friend and his Mom who we had lunch plans with.

So, off we went – and had a really good visit together.

I was sore when we got home, even though I only walked around 10,000 steps – more than I have recently, but, not an out of the ordinary number for me.

Sunday, I woke up and my left ankle was quite swollen, along with a good sized bump on the back of my heel.

Knowing my history with Gout and foot issues – I attributed this to the Gout Attack from hell.

After years without an attack, I had one recently on my right foot.

I figured this was my left foot playing catch up, and the bump was due to too much walking (overuse).

I iced and the swelling went down enough to enable me to walk, but the bump remained.

Thursday, the bump was still there, and my insurance covers something called “Doctor on Demand” where you can talk to a doctor on your phone or ipad.

They told me they suspected a possible Achilles tendon issue and I needed to get it checked out.

Friday, I called and made an appointment with the podiatrist for Monday morning.

Monday Morning came, I saw the doctor, showed him my foot to which he exclaimed “That Achilles is NOT happy!”

Xrays showed a patch of inflammation around the heel where my bump is.

He mentioned possible surgery and said the Achilles Tendon might be, torn, or ruptured.

I wasn’t sure how this was even possible – I had definitely NOT overdone activity – I barely worked out with the holiday funk I was in, and I was able to walk, and put pressure on my foot (as I walked)..as well, the pain and swelling seemed to decrease as each day went on.

So much for my  hope of draining fluid from this bump and going on with my life, after a few more days of pain.

He wanted more complete pictures than the xray showed, so with one fell swoop, I most likely met my deductible for the year and had an MRI done late Monday night.

Then, it became wait for the results.

Surgery?

Physical Therapy?  (or Physical Torture) as Dad always called it?

The waiting sucks!

It gave me a huge glimpse into what Dad and others must have, and continue to go through.

You stay strong for those immediately around you, but inside you are just melting and worrying and your brain is running on overdrive.

How are Mom and I are going to manage

But I’m the only driver in the family

What if I lose my job after being out of work for however long it takes

We will have to load up the fridge and both freezers before I go out

There goes the savings

We’ll have to take uber everywhere once I can get around

Until you can’t hold it in anymore, and then you let it out.

You try not to let it bother you, you try to stay strong because losing it really isn’t going to change anything, whether there is surgery or illness or pain in the cards.

It is what is – we can’t change it, we can only change how we react to it.

Somehow or another – it will get resolved, and I will end up getting my feet fixed.

One way or another.

Reading up on Achilles Tendon ruptures – for many people, it happens unexpectedly and through no fault of their own. I didn't fall, trip, knock my leg on anything -  there was no catastrophic event I could tie to what happened. The Doctor even said, it just happens over years of use on your legs.

As I always did with Dad when he was diagnosed with something new, I searched the internet for an herbal supplement to help with the inflammation because popping ibuprofen every 6 hours around the clock can’t go on forever. I found that Turmeric has antinflammatory properties and so I bought a bottle.

Being the consummate planner – I planned for surgery.

Talked to work as a heads up for now.

Starting gathering info as far as taking a medical leave, sick time, etc.

Tuesday (yesterday), now a week later – My Mom had an appointment at the same foot doctor’s office. He spotted me and said “I have your results.  Make an appointment with me”

The assertive side I’ve developed over the past few months came out – oh no, we’re not. I want to know – surgery or not?

So, I asked him if he was able to tell me if he was leaning towards surgery or not, but he said he needed to show me the images and discuss the options in person

(as opposed to over the phone).

I understood, and setup the appointment for the following day, and prayed.

I was thankful for work keeping me distracted for the most part. It makes me wonder, how often did my Dad use the computer and his work, to distract himself.  My appointment was at 1pm, and as the day inched closer to that appointment, the emotions began to hit.

I felt the butterflies, the pins and needles and most of all my anxiety rise. More of what what I imagine my Dad and what nearly everyone must go thru when they aren't sure what the results will be from a test. More of what my Dad must have felt as well, I'm sure, but for the most part never vocalized but kept inside - He stayed strong for my Mom, for me, for us all.
 

As I have done recently, when I have had enough of whatever is stressing me – I attempt to give up control and I pray to my Dad to help me and give me strength.

So I did just that.

We will see what happens at 1pm.

I saw the doctor, and although I was really worried - surgery is not in the plans at this time.
I relaxed so much, I could practically hear the angels and their harps, and "Hallelujah" playing on repeat in my head. I didn't care what kind of treatment I had to go through - as long as surgery wasn't involved. I was ecstatic.

I will be in a boot on my left foot for at least the next month. (To me, the saving grace is my left foot is the one involved, so I can still drive, get to work,etc) The issue is my ankles and heels are inflamed (that's where I have carried my pain for years is in my feet) because thats where I put all my pressure in feet, so the boot is to force me to put the pressure on the front part of the foot, taking the pressure off the heel and allow the inflammation and bump on my heel to relax.  I told the Doctor I certainly hadn't had anything to stress over in the past 6 months! Interestingly, the doctor also said he could see how I carry the stress in my legs and how tight the muscles were. Curiously, and I have written about this before:  I am severely right side dominant and yet these issues are on my left leg.  Guess who was a lefty?  (Not me).

Whatever happened last weekend, I think my foot just had had enough and let me know it. 

Time to get healthy.