Apparently, I had an amazing glimpse into and foresight of, the future.
At the time of my original post, my Dad was still mobile and relatively healthy (even as he was undergoing chemo) and although I don’t remember exactly what, something must have prompted me to write; likely another medical scare of some kind.
I'm posting it here so I can easily refer to it in the future.
Even four years later, re-reading what I wrote made an impact on me, again.
Powerful writing, back then as the son of a cancer patient, and now on the other side of the equation:
Clearly, you can always say that someone has it worse than you do, and that no matter how bad or dire your situation seems, it's quite better than what others may be dealing with. Some days there is complete and utter acceptance, of saying "it is what it is, and life does in fact go on.
And there are THOSE days.
The ones when you may question "why me?" -- not to mean why not someone else but it's a sign of a struggle between you and yourself. The struggle of realizing you just can't fix it all. The struggle to relinquish the control, of something you have zero control over.
These same days when you find those feelings of envy or jealousy
bubbling to the surface. Jealous of those who don't know what's going
on. Envious of those who are ignorant. Not intentionally ignorant, but
who just have not had to deal with the same stuff, cross those same
bridges, to realize that nothing lasts forever, and we are only on this
earth for a finite period.
Jealous that they can be so carefree and live in the moment, where I don't feel I have that luxury anymore. Jealous that in my mind, that tomorrow goes on forever, when in reality, it doesn't.
You have to make the most of each and every moment you are blessed to spend with your loved ones and friends.
There's no explanation, no magic fix to make it all better.
All you can do is have faith in that even if it's not ok right now, it really still is OK. And it will be.
Jealous that they can be so carefree and live in the moment, where I don't feel I have that luxury anymore. Jealous that in my mind, that tomorrow goes on forever, when in reality, it doesn't.
You have to make the most of each and every moment you are blessed to spend with your loved ones and friends.
There's no explanation, no magic fix to make it all better.
All you can do is have faith in that even if it's not ok right now, it really still is OK. And it will be.
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