Be Careful What You Watch on TV

I shouldn't have watched Grey's Anatomy this week.

I'm watching tv, crying alongside a character on a show who's own struggles closely mirror my own, and hit way too close to home.

From TV Guide:
"After learning the truth about her mother's inflammatory breast cancer in last week's episode, Maggie goes into attack mode, devouring all kinds of research about the disease and its various treatments. Against pretty much all of her colleagues' advice, Maggie puts her mother on an aggressive regimen, eventually securing her a place in a clinical trial for an experimental treatment -- and firing Meredith (Pompeo) as her mother's surgeon in the process."

This is my life.

I would do everything possible, whatever I can get my hands on if it would cure my Dad and make my Mom feel better.

The above statement about "attack mode" is dead on.

When my Dad was diagnosed with the MDS:
I researched herbal supplements to increase his platelet count, because I was convinced he was suffering from a deficiency, and not cancer.

When I couldn't make him better last week, when I was unable to  fix his pain last week after he fell,
In hysterics, I sobbed that I couldn't keep on seeing him this way and the only way I knew how to fix him was to bring him to a doctor, because this wasn't fair to him.

When his BP was low, I googled and confirmed that drinking more water, exercising, and eating something salty all increase a low blood pressure. All of which were confirmed when we saw the Cardiologist. (I thought was pretty good on my part and we could have saved a copay lol)

When it comes to either of my parents and a medical issue, I feel like I take control and attempt to help (and find a way to fix them) any way I can.

Attack Mode, indeed.

A friend's father passed away last week, after his own battle with cancer, and related ailments. Both of us have Superman incarnated as Fathers.

Even though the ER was never involved, since the events of the last week, every time an ambulance passes by, or I hear the sirens of a nearby emergency, I shudder, and feel the wave of nausea pass through. 

Some little things really affect you. I think "Someone's family member is in danger. Someone needs to hear, and someone needs to be told "I love you, and it's going to be OK"

But then, I saw the most amazing movie: "The Shack"
I felt drawn to see it, and I felt strongly that seeing it would somehow help me.

I was right.
It changed my perspective.

Seeing in the movie what I struggle with on a daily/weekly/monthly basis, somehow made it OK.

Of course, things are also a bit calmer for me at the moment too, which is also helpful.

This was a continuation in a string of movies I have seen over the past few months, which have truly helped me deal, because of the themes they represent and how I can relate them to events or feelings in my own life:

Collateral Beauty
Arrival
The Space Between Us
Passengers
and now,
The Shack