Being the Match, Part VI (Final Post in the Series)

When and after I donated the bone marrow, the reaction from what I did, from friends and family alike, just like when I announced my decision, was completely overwhelming to me:

You saved someone's life. That's a powerful thing.

 Wow! That is inspirational!

I want to give a shout out to (Jeff) Jeffrey!!!(Hopefully he doesn't mind) 🤗

He is a cancer warrior. Besides his normal cancer fighting activities he is prepping to donate his bone marrow this week. This is going to a stranger that he was matched with. Some person somewhere else has a shot of life because he registered and then said "yes". Hopefully he will inspire others to do so.

When a loved one needs a transplant family members are often not a match. But if everyone was willing to be there for someone think of how many more families could get this gift. 🎁

He already knows he intimidates me and now I am also in complete awe of him.

Thank you Jeff for being awesome. 💖🍾(sorry I know you can't drink yet because if this)🥂🎈🎊

“The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.”
— Helen Keller

 He is one of the best human beings on this planet.

I hope and pray my kids will never be in need of a donor. But should such a need present itself, I'm humbled and grateful that there are people out there like you. Thank you so much for being someone's angel and donating life! You the real MVP 


...whoever saves a life, it is considered as if he saved an entire world."

Today our son Jeffrey Zaben donated the t-cells from his bone marrow to save the life of another man.

A mitzvah happened today.

Think about it, he is actually SAVING A MAN'S LIFE. That is so awesome.

How amazing! What a selfless opportunity to help someone else! You are amazing 

This just brought tears of joy to,me eyes. So proud of you and so happy for the chance the recipient now has because of you.

Heros come in all shapes and sizes. Today we have a hero in the class of 1992 grads group. I wanted this to be known as it's amazing and selfless act of kindness. Below is what Jeffrey Zaben is doing!!! You are amazing Jeff and we all wish you all the best today!!! You are a true HERO!! Below was written by his cousin!!

A friend wrote, "I'm a little bit in awe of you right now"

Throughout the process of being called and tested, I did a lot of soul searching. A lot of thinking, and a lot of wondering, but not questioning, why was I doing this...over the days leading up to the donation itself.

I take as if I'm doing my part. It was a nobrainer for me. Almost downplaying. Like I would expect anyone else to do to the same. Its hard for me to sometimes take a compliment in a normal situation. In my decision to undergo testing and ultimately to donate the bone marrow, to the recipient and my social circle, it seems like it has much, much more of an impact to them.  I never really thought of not doing it. It wasn't an option I considered.  Certainly, the medical and other needs of my parents, I considered, but I never wavered from my decision to donate.

"That's the thing.  Sometimes we do something, doesn't even feel like it's that big of a deal. We are just doing our part, doing what we think is right.  But we don't know what kind of impact that decision has on someone else.  They may see it as a very big deal.  It can change their life"



I found it very curious that one of the bruises on my left arm formed a definite heart shape. Another sign it was just meant to be...




This picture was taken a couple of days after the donation procedure was over.

In my soul searching, I came across two main motivations for what I did:

1..I am a FIXER, and I cannot ever fix or become a match to my Dad. I cannot cure him. So I decided to do the next best thing, and I will do something I do have within my power to do.  I will help and try to cure someone else.

2..I have some mistakes I've made in the past that I feel by giving back in such a big way, can help in some way to repay the debt I caused.

The above was written before the donation occurred; but I still feel equally as strong. I'm now past the donation process and have had time to begun processing the enormity of what I experienced and what I did. 

I am extremely proud and honored to have been chosen and had the opportunity to donate and save someone's life in such a manner.

As I wrote, it was an honor and life changing experience for me as well.

I would do it again, in a heartbeat, without question.

I hope they call me.

Links to the entire blog series:
Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
Part V

The Facts of Life

The theme song to the TV show went,
"You take the good,
You take the bad,
You take them all, 
and there you have...
The Facts of Life"

Tuesday (yesterday when I wrote this) was an exercise in taking the bad in stride and fully appreciating the good that occurred in spite of the insane. There's a good blog post in there, somewhere, I wrote.

Initially, I wrote the above as a reminder to myself to expand on it later, and eventually it made its way to Facebook because I loved how the words just seemed to flow.

And here we are.
Since I'm a list person, I decided to write this as a list:

The Wrong or "the Bad":
1..After a more than normally disrupted sleep schedule, I felt out of sorts. Almost like I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, but I wasn't really feeling moody - just "off"

2..The minute I got in to work, was the minute I realized I had forgot all my food at home..I had nothing to eat with me. There goes the wonderful healthy and clean eating plan I generally try and stick to while at work.

3..I had no time to ease in to the day before the day started coming at me with full force. Problems, Chaos, Emails, etc. I was slammed before I even got settled.

4..At 830a, I remembered I was supposed to leave the fire extinguisher at home outside for the apartment to complete the annual check up/servicing. I had it on my list, but forgot to check the list both the night before and in the morning before I left work..probably because I was so out of it. 

The Right or "the Good":
1..For not having any food with me, I resisted the temptation to indulge in the wonderful Otis Spunkmeyer Double Chocolate Muffin in the snack machine..or any other form of carb or sugar. Somehow, I managed to maintain control, and without any food with me to eat. When my willpower works, it works.

2..I didn't look when I was getting dressed, and I mistakenly wore a smaller shirt unintentionally. But then, the fit of shirt most likely caused someone to tell me they thought I lost weight. I of course, thought they were smoking crack until I tried other smaller clothes when I got home and decided the past 6 months were finally starting to pay off.

3..I was in great company, because it felt more like a Monday, than Monday did. When I compared notes with friends and coworkers alike - they were having the same kind of day.

4..I received a compliment on a report I run, which made me feel appreciated.

5..When I realized I forgot to take out the fire extinguisher, I bolted out of work and floored it home to beat the 9am time restriction - After which, I would be charged $75 to enter my apartment and obtain said fire extinguisher.  I was home at 840a, in plenty of time..and as long as I was home, I got my lunch and snacks for the remainder of the day. I made it back and forth to work in a whopping 35 minutes, at the tail end of rush hour, and without talking with any cops!

6..As crazy and chaotic as the day was - you could say it meant JOB SECURITY!

7..There was absolutely no medical situations involved in ANY of the stress, which I was incredibly thankful for. If you know my life, medical stress sucks.

8..I still got my 10,000 steps (my daily goal) by the end of the day.

The day was proof of how much can you take before you blow, but also, to be thankful for what the day was, and what it wasn't, and to realize that everything really is temporary. 

It's all in how you choose to deal with it - you cannot control what happens to you, but you can control how you choose to deal with it.

Being the Match, Part V

And so, Donation Day was upon us. 
Monday, May 15, 2017.
5am

I woke up and for the first time since I started the process to see if I was a match, felt the nerves and butterflies hit.

I posted on Facebook:

Here we go!
The nerves, the reality and the emotion of what I'm about to do finally hit this morning, but I am still very excited to be here and to be a match out of what I am told was 15 million possible bone marrow donors registered by Be the Match.

Today, I get to Be the Match and have the opportunity to save someone's life!

Plus, I get to spend all day in bed.
(Clearly, I wrote this before the day got completely underway)

More poking and prodding.
They had trouble finding a good vein in my left arm.
Fourth try was the charm.
My left arm looks like I just took a United Airlines flight.

Loved the disclaimer of "we're done poking and prodding "for now" LOL

More lab work, then waiting for results, before going on to the next step.

This part was interesting. They collected the samples, then sent them via a chute to another part of the hospital to be tested.
Very similar to a drive thru at the bank.

So I am laying here fairly comfortably, and starting this blog.



I'm in the same unit where other procedures such as dialysis are performed, and I think, I could be saving someone just like the people in here.

After the final injection to boost my cell counts around 8am, I had about an hour break while we waited for the injection to boost my numbers one final time, so I went to the cafeteria to check out some breakfast before I was tied to the bed for the next 5-6 hours or so.

They told me I would have one hand free to Netflix, text, email, etc, but to my surprise it's my left hand that is the free one, and my right arm needs to stay in the same position. This will be an interesting learning experience as I am very severely right hand dominant! I thought it would be my left hand, but as it was explained, the strongest vein in "anyone" is the one in the middle of your right arm.

Just after 9am, I was hooked up to everything and the blood began flowing out of my right arm, into the Apheresis machine where they separated the blood, kept what they wanted (white blood cells/stem cells), and then put what they didn't want/need (red blood cells and platelets) back into my left arm.

It was quite the computer, was constantly monitoring both arms with all the connectors, and it even screams when something needs to be adjusted.  As well, it calculates the speed of transfer and how long the entire process will take. The original estimation was about 8 hours (of being connected) but it ended up being right around the 6 hour mark.

It constantly monitored the blood intake and outtake, along with vital stats - blood pressure, pulse, etc. In one of the funnier moments of the day (there were many), the machine screamed, and the nurse came running "Oh you're not breathing that's all" as she looked at the machine and back at me - as I was very clearly breathing and not under any respiratory distress.

Through this experience, I've gained a new respect and appreciation for the person I am donating to and my Dad and others like them go through on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis when it comes to being poked, prodded, injected and virtually tied to chair or bed for their treatment as tests or treatment is received. For me it was one day.

Additionally, don't take the use of your dominant hand for granted. Today, I am learning how to type and use my left hand for 100% of everything, as I learn to ignore my excessively dominant right hand and arm. When everything was disconnected later in the afternoon, the reverse occurred; I had to keep telling myself it was OK to finally use my right hand and arm.

The left hand thing was a struggle for me all day long.
I brought tons of magazines to read when I got bored with the IPad, but the left hand struggle was enough that I didn't read any of them after I lost the use of my right hand. It was just too hard to hold them up and read.

I ended up catching up on nearly all the tv shows I was behind on. Note for next time: Take care when watching medical dramas like Chicago Fire, Chicago Med and Grey's Anatomy, and you are physically in a hospital. A climactic ending scene in one of those shows caused me to gasp out loud.

I had little problems with typing on the Ipad, but the IPhone was another story. How do you left handers do it? My fingers would not stretch across the width of the phone, making it very hard to type and text!

Around 12pm, I got hungry for lunch. Lunch was paid for by Be the Match. Since I was tied to the bed and couldn't run out to Sonic, the nurse took my order and then went to the cafeteria and returned a while later: Turkey Burger with Tator Tots, and Tomato Basil Soup. With only the use of my single left arm and hand, this proved to be a very interesting learning experience:

1..Soup with a single hand is difficult, if not impossible. A spoon doesn't cut it. You tend to drop the spoonful before it ever makes it to your mouth.
I ended up sipping the soup like a cup of coffee.

2..Sandwiches are much easier if cut in half to hold with a single hand, but even then I gave up on leaving it a sandwich about halfway through, and just took the burger out and ate it.

The first hour seemed to be the worst, followed by the last hour, as far as being bored and stuck in bed, and not being able to move much at all.

In between that, time seemed to pass OK, as I was distracted by my TV watching. Really the only "side effects" I felt were a sore back and sore legs from the injections and staying in bed for so long without the ability to adjust my position by myself, as my right arm had to stay immobilized.

Approximately 6 hours later, with a few pit stops in between (thanks to all the water I was drinking and the saline they were pumping me full of), the procedure was finished. I had been OK standing up a few times during the day to use the "restroom," but by the time I got after the 6 hours mark, my legs felt quite weak so much so that I sat back down on the bed real quick to the point of almost falling back onto the bed. I had to wait a couple of minutes before I felt steady enough to walk on my own. The first thing I did once I gained my land legs back:  How nice it was to walk and use a real bathroom!

At this point, I had been disconnected from all the machines, and the bag of stem cells was about 75% full. A courier came and picked up the bag as she did nurse said "Wave bye to your stem cells" which I thought was funny so I did. Now, just had to wait for the final blood numbers to come back to see if my numbers had begun dropping from their supercharged states. Once they had - I was free to go.

We went out to dinner that night, and within a few hours I felt safe to drive myself again.

By 8pm that night - I felt normal for the first time since the injections and the soreness had definitely decreased, and would fully disappear over the next few days.

What impact would this have on me?
To be continued in the final blog post, Part VI.