Minute by Minute, Hour By Hour, Day By Day

One piece of advice I have routinely heard since my Dad died last September:
"Take it Day By Day."

Actually, I heard it before then. Many have told me it to me in efforts to help assist me in managing my stress. Probably, even my Father.

Although I understood the words, I think its only recently that I truly began to understand their meaning. 

You can feel fine and upbeat in the morning, and your sadness/depression/loss can build throughout the day, week, or weekend. Then what?

You take it day by day, or at the beginning - you have to take it hour by hour, and sometimes even minute by minute.

I called the day after my Dad died, and I have seen a therapist since then regularly.

I searched for, and found, a Grief Support Group where my Mom and we can discuss how our grief impacts us how the loss of our loved one impacts our lives. 

I found an online support group that supplements the in person one, and is equally as helpful.

They are a place for us to be around others who understand and get it, without having to explain a thing.

I have freely provided encouragement and support to friends who have lost a parent after I lost one of mine, just as some did for me. I will never forget that, because of how much it helped. I I hate that others have to go thru this same living hell that I do. I vowed to help others as I was helped.

My friends and I call it the club, and although none of us want to be in it, we are all there to help support each other through our grief. 

All you can do is take it by day.
Just like before my Dad died, and when he was struggling:
"Cherish the good days and make it through the bad ones"

When my Mom is having a bad day which can sometimes impact me having a good day, because I am an Empath and I can pick up on her emotions. I feel bad that she isn't feeling her best - take it day by day, or hour by hour.

As I said earlier, I don't think I really understood what that meant until very recently.
Everything is temporary, I read once.
But it didn't really sink it until just now.

I was sitting on the couch, missing my Dad.
But Everything is temporary - my grief and the extreme loss I feel may be permanent, but memories do not always make me so sad.

I have progressed from where I was 6 months ago, where I have been able at times to listen to my Dad's voice and watch videos of him; something I was not able to do for many months because it devastated me emotionally.

Very recently, I ran across something on Facebook I have searched for from the very beginning of my grief journey:  an online grief support to supplement the other ways I seek assistance and help. The group has been a wonderful addition to my support system, and is everything I had been looking for.  Yesterday, as I struggled with my grief, I saw this post:

I am bouncing forward everyday!
I still have moments, but I continue to press on and bounce fearlessly forward with each day.

This morning I [details removed] made a mental note of that precious memory. These moments don’t take me spiraling down the rabbit hole anymore. They are sweet moments of remembering and honoring those memories. I put on my workout clothes and got ready for a dose of self-care.

Our lives did not end on that awful day. They just started over. Keep bouncing forward! Your story is still being written.

This is something I agree with, and try to do, but I was in awe of this author and their comments. My jaw dropped on the floor when they further noted that they were only 6 months out from grief! Almost timewise where I am at.

It was this post that dropped the "Day by Day" idea in my head.

At work earlier this week, I saw this occur almost in front of my eyes. There was a few minutes where I was overwhelmed with something, and I felt my grief literally rise up through my head, like a rising level of flooding water of emotion. And just that quickly, within a few minutes, the water level had receded to an acceptable and manageable level. I have learned not only what my triggers are (stress at work is a big one) but also how to recognize when the storm or tidal wave (which is how I think of grief) is approaching. Not sure how to explain it really, but I can sense something oncoming, even if I can't put my finger on it at the time.

I feel like I am entering a new phase - one where the grief is not all the time, everyday, but rises and drops - minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day - more than I have noticed it before. I can still manage to have a good day with an emotional hour or breakdown during the day.

It is ALL you can do. Take things day by day.
It is futile to stress over things you can't do anything about or control - 
even though I have a very rough time with that.

So, take it day by day, and enjoy each day as it comes - the good and bad.
It is exactly how my Dad chose to live.